Just . . . Life...

So an update on life. My most insane week for the year was this past week. It went something like this:

Monday

Psychology, Biology, Chemistry, and English classes

In the afternoon: Meet Zeta's for dinner, have a two hour meeting after

Tuesday

Chemistry Lab

CROWN party that night, followed by a Student Senate meeting.

Wednesday

Psychology, Biology, Chemistry, and English classes

Another CROWN party

Need to write a Succession Paper for Biology Lab

Thursday

Biology Lab

Mixer with the Sigma Chis and a Community Service project at the local senior center

Study for Psychology and Biology Tests

Friday

Psychology, Biology, Chemistry, and English classes

Psychology and Biology Tests

Essay for English due

Drive to Las Vegas, NM with Kim

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Here's the thing that I knew with these tests.

1. I knew I needed to study all week, not just the night before.
2. In both Psych and Bio, there are only four tests the whole semester, so if I failed one it'd be more than just a big deal.
3. With all my classes and everything going on with Zeta, I'd have almost no time to study unless I planned on not sleeping, which is a no-go.

So, I didn't do Zeta stuff on Wednesday or Thursday. Thursday I was typing so much to help me study that it felt like I just slammed a hammer repeatedly into my fingers. And I was crazy stressed out.

Yesterday I learned that I got an 82% on my Biology test, which is a high B by my teacher's grading scale. I won't find out how I did on my Psychology test until tomorrow. I'm hoping for a B.

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New on life.

Have you been paying attention to what's been going on with the economy? It's looking like we're about to hit up a world-wide depression. Yes, depression. I don't care if no one wants to talk about it, but that's what it is. Screw this "recession" bullshit, it's a depression. Get used to it.

So we're about to fall into this world-wide depression. What does that mean for me? I mean, I know that the world economies will be hit, but I want to know how this is going to affect me, an average college student in America. If I'm going to be living through this, it'd be nice to have any kind of idea on how it's going to affect me. I know what happened during The Great Depression, but I want to know how this will affect not only me but your average American on the street as well. What's going to happen to us? What's going to happen to the country? What's going to happen as a whole? I know no one knows the answers to these questions, we'll only know as time plays out. But still, it's got me a little worried.

Anyway, that's what's on my mind. I'm not freaking out over it, but I am a little worried as to how this is going to come back to me, my friends, and my family.

Official for Winter Break

I am leaving for Australia on December 13. I don't come back until January 7. Dude, I am so excited!!! However, I broke my fingers yesterday by typing for about 10 hours straight, so I'm going to have to cut this blog short. Laters.

Roommates. Again.

So, my roommate moved out Friday. My new roommate moved in Friday. So much for time spent enjoying a single room. Bri is my roommate. Figures. Oh well. It's turning out better than I thought it would. Basically, our hall director, Chelsey, wanted to consolidate our rooms so we were asked to room together. Oi. Still, I guess life is a little more interesting with Bri around, but still. I would've liked to have enjoyed having the room to myself for even one night. Clearly that didn't happen. Anyway, sorry I didn't tell about this sooner, I just forgot that I hadn't already written on it. But now you know. I never got to go with that emptyness because I got a roommate the same day as I lost one.

Winter Break

Well, this winter break I am privileged enough to go to Australia for at least two weeks to be with my grandparents for Christmas. I can't explain just how excited I am! This is going to be awesome!! I am quite happy. This is awesome. Oh man. When I got more details I'll let you know =]

The Roommate Conclusion

So today I found out that my roommate has decided that she does want to move in with Nicole, that their room request was approved, and she will be completely moved out of my room by Sunday. This will be fun. I'm noticing that I'm more sad than I thought I would be. I guess because I didn't find out from her, I found out from my friend Kim first and then I found out from her. It wasn't much of a time span difference, but still. I guess it makes me sad. And that my room is going to be lonely.

I'm trying to look at the positive side. I get to move the furniture however I want. My room will be quiet. People will only be in there when I want them to. I can focus without distraction. I don't have to worry about keeping someone up and I can go to sleep whenever. But I'm still sad.

I guess it's going to be a bit lonely. That feeling like someone's always there, knowing that you are going home to someone. Having a person who's there at any time of day. I know my roommate and I were not that close, but still, it's a sense of companionship that I won't have anymore. It's sad. And when I get a new roommate, I'm going to have to go back to that whole awkward time where you are living with someone you don't know. Uhg.

Roommates

Oi. Seriously. Life is so...dramatic. Here's what happened:

So my roommate, Karol, has this friend, Nicole, who comes over fairly often and they talk and whatnot and hang out. I don't really mind. But Nicole doesn't like her roommate.

A friend of mine who lives across the hall, Bri, just had her roommate move out. Because she moved, she has the room all to herself, but she knows that it won't stay that way forever. She doesn't want some new person in her room that she has to get acquainted with all over again.

Bri and Nicole got together and came up with a "brilliant" plan.

Step 1: Nicole would move into my room.

Reason: She could be with Karol rather than her roommate and they would get along.

Nicole's Logic: If she was staying with Karol and I wasn't, I wouldn't have to deal with her in my room all the time being loud and I could study in silence.

Step 2: I would move into Bri's room.

Reason: I would get to room with someone I know.

Bri's Logic: She wouldn't have to get a new roommate that she didn't know. Since we're already friends it would work out great.

Nicole's Logic: I would be with someone I'm already friends with. Plus, the new girl who would have originally been Bri's roommate wouldn't have to move into Bri's room only to move out again into Nicole's old room.

Step 3: The new girl who would have been in Bri's room will instead move into Nicole's old room down the hall.

Here's my thing, they told me about this plan right before I went to my last class on Friday. In class, I had bigger things to be thinking about rather than room drama with my room as the focal point and the creators of this idea didn't even live there. So I went to class and completely forgot about the plan. After class, Paige, Robyn, Kim, and I were supposed to hit the road to go to Albuquerque for the weekend, so I was concerned about packing. Right as I get to my room, I get a call from Bri.

Bri is hoping that I'm still okay with the plan and that I don't mind and hoping that I'll go with it. Karol doesn't care so she is just going along with it. I was hoping that I could think about it over the weekend, but they got to me right as I was about to go and so out of stress and haste, I signed the paperwork to do the room switch.

Everything was all set to go, but over the weekend I actually had some time to think. I kind of like my room. My room is nice. It's set up the way I want, everything's all moved in, I like it's location, Karol's pretty cool, and it feels like home. To move across the hall would be a pain in the ass. Also, Bri's already moved in, so I would have to adjust around her. Not quite so fun.

Another thing, I don't really see Bri and myself getting along very well as roommates. No offense or anything to her, but I just don't see us doing well as roommates. Friends, yeah, we're great. Sorority sisters, yeah, we're great. But roommates? Not so much.

After talking about it with Kim all weekend and thinking about it, I decided that I didn't actually want to do this. I just liked everything the way it was. Besides, if Nicole wanted to be closer to Karol, she could move in with Bri and we'd be fine.

Well, I get in today and I kind of tell Karol that I don't actually want to do the move anymore. I guess she wasn't paying attention. My RA, Stephanie, said she needed me to sign some papers about moving (which I thought I already did but whatever) and I said I didn't want to move anymore. Kim was with me, and she got a bit excited and told her the whole story. Stephanie said it was fine if I didn't want to move. She also said that if Karol and Nicole want to room together, there's an empty room down the hall that they could move into together. Well, I called up Karol to tell her about it.

I thought Karol didn't care one way or another, but I guess I was wrong. She seemed a little upset that I didn't want to move anymore. Then she said she had to talk to Nicole about whether or not they would do it. Now I feel kind of cheated. They kept saying from the beginning that I didn't have to move if I didn't want to. I would have if Karol had said she wanted me to because I don't want to force her to stay with me, but she didn't care either way so I figured she wouldn't mind. But now she might take off anyway.

If I end up by myself, I guess it isn't bad. I like Karol, but if she doesn't want to room with me I can't make her. Still, I guess I just want things to turn out alright. We'll see what happens.

Sick

Yeah, that's right. I'm sick. It sucks. I'm supposed to go to the doctor today to find out what's wrong with me. I haven't tried talking yet today but I'm sure my voice is just as bad today as it was yesterday. I'm tired, coughing, my lungs hurt, my bronchial tubes feel weird, my nose is runny and clogged, my head hurts, and my body feels beat. Oi. Being sick sucks.

It's a Big Move

I, like so many others before me, have gone Greek. I joined the sisterhood of Zeta Tau Alpha last night. No, my new sisters are not anything like the stereotypes.

Yeah, I was hesitant to join. I knew that the bond of friendship that exists in a sorority is something that I would like, but if it came with being profiled around campus as being "easy", if I had to go to parties and drink, if I had to go through "hazing" to be accepted, then going Greek was something I wouldn't do. Still, I knew that everything I heard was stereotypes of all Greeks, so I knew that I had to get to know them personally before I could ever judge them. With that being said, I decided to go through formal recruitment. For the last three days I went to six different parties, or rather, three individual parties for both the sororities here, Chi Omega and Zeta Tau Alpha.

I was skeptical at first but the more time that I spent thinking about it and the more time I spent with all the individuals, I came to realize that the groups were filled with amazing women and by the last two hours of time I had to sit and think last night about which group I would join, I was torn between both. In the end, I went with ZTA.

The Zetas are AMAZING. I know that the bond I'm going to be having with them is going to be one I will never forget. My pledge class is really cool, too, and I know that we're all going to be part of this really amazing group.

First Weekend Home

So, obviously by the title, I went home this past Labor Day weekend. Reason being that I was going to get a new phone and my sister's birthday is on the 31st. So I went home.

It was weird when I left. I felt like I was leaving a part of my soul behind. It made me sad. Still, I was excited to be on the road, so I didn't complain.

I met up with my parents and we chillaxed together on the way home. We all started sharing stories and I told a bunch of my great college stories. It was fun, minus the fact that all four of us were talking at the same time, talking louder and louder trying to be heard by no one who was actually paying attention.

The next day was alright; I continued on like I was still at school. By the afternoon however, I had started to fall by into the same pattern that I'd been living my life in for the past three months. It was weird. As I was going to sleep, it felt like my two weeks at school had been nothing more than a dream of a perfect life that I could never, ever have, and that I was stuck in a place I would never be free from.

Sunday wasn't bad, but it was hard. By the end of the day, I was so frustrated with everything that I was even considering just leaving. However, I couldn't really do that because I'd feel too guilty and because I was giving Kim a ride home the next day. Anyway, it wasn't a great day. Basically, I think it was just that it felt SOmuch like my life when it sucked that I wanted to get away more than anything else, to be reminded that the last two weeks actually happened.

Anyway, today I came home. It was good, but I wasn't all for the driving for five hours. Don't get me wrong, I love driving, it's just that I was really tired is all. Doesn't help that the landscape only gets duller the longer you're driving. Even while I was driving, it still felt like I'd show up and nothing would be here to ever prove that the source of all my happiness would exist. Still, once I got here, it didn't really change.

I got back to school this afternoon and it felt as if I had merely fallen asleep again and I just picked up on my dream where I had left off. It was weird. It still feels a bit surreal. I've got everything I brought all put away and I'm already starting to get back into the swing of things, but I still feel like I'm going to wake up any moment in my bed in a hell I'll never escape. It's weird.

Just a simple Update

Yuppers, so I haven't updated in a while. Let's see, classes started. They actually aren't too bad. I'm on top of my homework which is REALLY weird for me. Yesterday I rearranged all the furniture in my room. My roommate and I get along great. A whole bunch of fraternity parties keep happening in the middle of the week so I can't go. Well, okay, I'm not even that interested to go. Still, there's one tonight that sounds like loads of fun but I can't go because it starts to late and I have class early. Bleh. I get to go home soon and get my car =D I've been hanging out with my friend Kim a lot. It's good stuff =]

Church

So my friend Kim wanted to go to church today because she's exploring the different churches in the area and she wanted a buddy to go with her so I volunteered. Well, we went to Calvary Baptist Church. If you know me and my religious views, you know this would be a bit...interesting... I am part Wiccan, part Buddhist, and part Science of Mind (refer back to my blog post where I talk about my church ACSL). I wasn't too enthused about going to a church where they praise Jesus like a he's a God himself and where they focus on intense religious aspects. It's not that I mind what they believe, it's just that I don't really like to go with it. Anyway, we get there and something happened while we were there.

During the service it finally clicked on what my church has been telling me for ages. It's something I've known for years, but I don't think that I fully grasped it mind and soul until today. God is in everything, and you should be able to see it in everyone and everything. As Siddhartha Gautama, the founder of Buddhism, puts it, "He who experiences the unity of life sees his own Self i all beings, and all beings in his own Self, and looks on everything with an impartial eye." That saying is on a poster in my dorm room, and I see it every day. In church they tell us the same basic thing over and over again. And I thought I understood that. Apparently I was wrong.

While I was at the CBC, I realized that I hadn't gotten it at all. I was trying to see myself in the people there, and I couldn't do it. I tried to be open minded but I wasn't. All I could think about was how I didn't believe what they said and if they found out what I really thought they'd all go insane trying to save my soul and how I had to pretend that I agreed with everything the way everyone else did so that I wouldn't draw more attention to myself than I already had by being one of the few younger people in the congregation. Then, while we were singing hymns, I started singing the song Spirit in the House, by Jami Lula, and then it all clicked.

Suddenly I felt love and compassion towards everyone in the building. Suddenly, it didn't matter that what I felt was different, because I could feel where they were coming from in the depths of my being. I could find the part of me that was in them and the part of them that was in me and suddenly, we were family. I felt love and compassion for them as I would never have expected and suddenly I was bursting with joy and happiness that I immediately started radiating into the room. It wasn't until that moment, when I was surrounded by people that I would never be with, that I finally got it.

Sure, it's easy to accept people who are similar to yourself. It's easy to see yourself in others and others in yourself when you are on a similar wavelength. It's so much harder to do the same thing with people that are completely different from yourself. I didn't really understand that to the core of my being until today, surrounded by people that I would never have surrounded myself by willingly. It's like Jesus said, "Love your enemies." (at least, I think that's what he said). Yeah, it's easy to love your friends and family, but it's so much harder to really love you enemies. It's taken me years to actually get this. In my head I understood, but it wasn't until today that my heart learned it, too.

Showers

You know, an interesting thought occurred to me today while I was in the shower.

I personally feel awake and refreshed after I take a shower. It's nice, soothing, relaxing. I feel good and invigorated and just overall good. I know others feel similarly. When we feel upset or gross or dirty or something from events that happen in life, we take a shower to wash it away. When we're upset, we can just sit in running water and it's like the water's just washing away all the pain. When we're happy we don't shower because we're too distracted by life.

Anyway, showers are cleansing. It's like the running water washes away the pain and heals the wounds we have. It's amazing. I don't understand. If you get it better than I do, please share =]

Sweet!!!

I finally got my computer registered, and now, after almost a week of waiting, I have the Internet in my room. This is most excellent!!! So, hopefully I should be able to post a lot more when I do and I'll be on the Internet more often now that it's so easy to get on. Yay!!!

First Day of Classes

Yuppers, today was the first day of actually school. Dawg Days is over and the summer-camp buzz I've been running on for the past few days is over. I already ahve a ridiculous amount of homework, but at least my class for tomorrow was cancelled so I can just do my work all day. It is pretty good stuff.

Kappa Sigma, the fraternity whose house is across the street from my dorm is really loud. They're out every night partying. Not that I mind too much, but tonight they are having a party where they invited practically the whole school and let's just say that getting some sleep tonight is not going to be an easy feat.

Anyhow, tomorrow I should be getting my computer registered so that I can finally have internet on my computer. Man, I've been getting withdrawals. It's a bad sign.

I'll be sure to keep you posted. Life is going just nifty and so hopefully it'll stay this good =]

Peace out!! =P

School is Fantastic

Sorry about posting stuff mainly on how school is going, but to be honest, orientation's been taking up all of my time. I've been meeting new people and all of it has got me going so much that I haven't even really had time to think about much else. Deep thoughts will be posted again eventually, but right now, you're going to have to tolerate the learning and exploring of the whole "college experience". Then again, isn't that what this blog is supposed to be about?

So this girl that I met yesterday is freakin' awesome and she totally made my day today. She lives across the hall from me and *shockingly* our first class tomorrow is the same. Definitely made my day. So right now we're just chillaxing in our dorm's computer lab and I'm typing this and she's doing the whole e-mail thing and we're chilling. I'm thinking of getting pictures of the campus to post up. Anyway, things are going well. Orientation is almost over. Classes start in the morning. Life is fantastic. The weather's been a bit weird, but other than that things are cool. Still needing that internet connection in my room, though...

Update

Well, school is going well. Today I met about five people. Also, I went dancing, hung out, powned at cards, and overall I had a good day. I am looking forward to tomorrow. Hopefully my posts will get longer when I have internet access in my room =]

I've Moved

I am now living in Portales at ENMU. It's pretty neat. I'm still pretty shy though so it's kind of interesting being here. I didn't meet my roommate yet. It looks like I have a different roommate and she didn't come for the first day yesterday. Hopefully she'll be here by Wednesday. Something was up with the keys in my dorm so I lack keys for my room. That's interesting. Still, I should have them by Monday.

Last night we had an awesome fireworks show. It was pretty intense, they were really loud and then the sound echoed off of all the buildings. It's crazy stuff.

Anyway, I'm a bit shy so it's making me nervous about this afternoon, well, okay the rest of Dawg Days, but hopefully I'll have a good time. We just have to wait and see.

The Nerves are Kicking In

Definitely. In the morning, I'm leaving for Portales. In 24 hours' time, I'm going to be moved in and talking with my family for the last moments I'll have with them. Then I'm on my own.

It's a scary thought, knowing that you have to be on your own. When you leave for school, it suddenly hits you: you aren't a kid anymore. You have to pay for what you need, your parents aren't there to nag you about everything. Your life is suddenly in your hands, and you look like a deer in the headlights wondering what the hell you're going to do with it. It's at times like these where you realize that you have the power over your life and where it's going. It isn't your parents, your family, your friends, your school, or society telling you where you're going and what you're doing. It's all about you. It's a weird feeling. It makes you scared. Can't lie, I am scared shitless right now. But I'm also one of the most excited people you will meet.

That's the other feeling you get when you hit this moment in life. Excitement. Suddenly, you're free. Freedom is an awesome feeling. But guess what? It's scary too. But hey, it's all up to you. You can go to school, you can drop out, you can get a job, you can get married, you can have kids, you can travel the world. Life is yours and you can do what you want with it. Once you realize this, you feel...empowered. At least, I do. I'm excited for all of this. I want to go. I want the freedom. I want the ability to rule my own life.

Anyway, this is what's really bugging me right now. I'm mostly packed (I think...) and so now it's just making sure it's all put together before I leave in the morning. I have to see my remaining friends once more before I leave. And then my new life begins.

I'm a Writer

Did you guys know that? Recently I just put together a binder done up all nice and shmexy full of all the poetry I wrote during my senior year. It's pretty cool. Well, you probably won't see it, but if you want to see my writing there is somewhere you can go to find it. I post poems I write on a different blog. You can either get there by viewing my profile then by clicking the link to it on that page, or you can go to poetryofthought-krista.blogspot.com. I'd say it's pretty cool. A lot of my thoughts and feelings come through on my poetry (which is mostly what I write), so it's a bit interesting to look at. I don't post as often on there, but when I write new stuff I post it. So go, read, and enjoy =]

I Was a Twin

Okay, officially, no I wasn't. But my sister and I have an interesting theory. If you've ever met my sister, you know we're a lot alike. Ever since we were little, people would ask us if we were twins. What was weird when we were younger is that I was a foot taller than her and people still thought we were. Silly, I know. Anyway, we have a theory.

Our theory is this: we were supposed to be twins. If you look at my blog where I talk about choosing parents and interacting with other beings on the spiritual planes, this theory makes sense. Here's our logic for it. My mom had a miscarriage before she had me. My sister and I think that that child was actually supposed to be both of us, born into this world as twins. However, we also feel that our mom's body wouldn't have been able to handle twins and neither could our parents just trying to raise them. As a result, we came separately when the time was right.

Now, there is my sister and myself. We are three years apart but we also look pretty similar and act similarly. We have those "freaky twin things" where we'll say entire sentences at the same time, same pace, same tempo, same everything. We think alike and act alike. People who don't know us very well but meet us together think we're twins. They always freak out when they find out we aren't. So, we think that we were supposed to be twins all along, and that we really are, just that we have a three year gap without the other.

*Note: The picture is of my sister and me at my high school graduation this past may. Sorry that it's a really crappy picture; I'm lacking a better one. Hopefully when my sister gets home from school today I can get a new one. My sister, Stephanie, is on the left. I am on the right.