Oizers.

You know, I keep coming back to this, how I don't seem to blog much because my life is crazy but I'll do more. Well, to be honest, I think my life will always be crazy. And maybe that's okay. I guess it's okay that my life is insane and so I don't think to blog all of the time. Oi. Oh well.

My cats are insane. Chris's cats, who previously lived with his mom, now live with us because she moved to a new place where she can't have pets. So, our oldest cat is Spaz, who is the mother of Derp, our next oldest. Below that is Petra. I'm pretty sure I've talked about her in this somewhere. And our newest edition, more likely than not only about six or seven weeks old is Isis. Yeah, I know, I'm turning into a crazy cat lady. Luckily, only half of these cats are mine. The other half belong to my boyfriend.

Living together is going amazingly. We've lived here for about two months, and I really like it. We still haven't finished unpacking everything, mainly because both of us like to just unwind and not worry about it. Oi. Silly geese we be! We recently had our six month, so that was fun. My dad visited me this past week and I was stoked!!! Eek! The only annoying thing is that we both are fairly messy people but I'm also mildly OCD so I like everything clean. If only my ADD didn't kick in and make it super difficult to focus on cleaning...

Life is good, just working on a lot of school and such. Speaking of which, I'm pretty sure I have an assignment due tonight, so maybe I should stop blogging and do that... Hmm.

Alright, I guess I'll go, but hopefully I will blog more recently than another two months. I hope.

=]

Moving

The past week has been crazy, primarily because I'm moving. Chris and I are moving in together, and I'm stoked. Yes, that means I'm staying out here for the summer and not going back to Albuquerque, but I'm okay with that. I'm looking forward to the direction my life is traveling in. We have three cats in our place, Spaz, Derp, and Petra. They're adorable, but Petra hates them. Oi. Still, she's slowly getting over it.

This week is dead week, meaning that we are doing absolutely nothing other than killing ourselves with our last week of classes. It also means that finals are next week. Still, as much as finals suck, it means that you've reached the end of the semester. It means that anything that's been kicking your ass or killing you or is just something that you need a break from is finally at an end and you can go on. It's like a mental restart button. It puts you back together so that you don't lose your sanity. And I'm going to need it. This summer I'm taking 14 hours. This fall I'm taking 22. And the spring? Hell if I know. The goal is to graduate in May. So one year from now I'm going to be graduating. Holy shit. It seems like I just started going to school here and yet I'm about to leave. It makes me sad. But at the same time, I'm ready for my life already. I'm tired of being a kid with adult privileges. I need to move on. I want to live my life. I'm ready to be an adult. Screw all this "Let's party, study, whatever the hell it is we do here" attitude and move on. So I'm going to try to graduate in May. If I can't, I'm here until December.

My plan for after I graduate is to go to Law School. Random, I know. But I want to do it. All of the stereotypical law school/lawyer ideas don't appeal to me, but I've taken about 5 law classes and loved all of them. I figure that law classes are much closer to what it is that law is all about and how it is in reality, and so I figure that that is probably the most accurate description I have is the classes I've taken. I want to go to UNM; I just hope I get in. That's why I'm trying to graduate in May, though. Law schools don't have Fall/Spring start sessions. You have to start in the fall. So if I finish in December I will have eight months to go before the school year would start. I'm not sure what I'd do with my life. Oi. It's a scary thought. And if this doesn't work out, well, I don't know what I'm going to do.

Anyway, just a little update on life. I'm crazy tired and ready to be done with everything. I need the two or three weeks off that I have before summer classes start. I need something to do that isn't stressful, exhausting, or trying to kill me. So I just need to find a job for the summer and then worry about passing my classes. *sigh* I just want the semester to be over.

Coming Home

I moved back home from Portales on Saturday. I didn't realize that I had so much crap. Holy cow. The worst part is that a lot of it is stuff that I don't need while I'm at home, like first aid stuff, laundry detergent, sheets for beds of different sizes, food, etc. And, because I didn't have it here to begin with, finding a place to put it now is difficult. So I have come to the conclusion that it's time for another room emptying session where I get rid of more stuff. Only problem is I'm a pack rat and I hold on to sentimental stuff for ages. Bleh.

Life at home is...interesting. I get to see Chris pretty much every day (which is awesome), see friends I haven't seen in a while, and hang out with my sister. It's just being home that's....odd. I get the strangest feeling from my dad that I'm just someone who lives here that he really wishes wouldn't. I hate that feeling, like I'm being loathed for existing and costing him money. Oi. My mom says it's not like that at all, but it's still the feeling I get from him. Bleh.

Once again I'm into the predicament of finding a summer job. Only this summer, it's essential that I get one. Uhg. But who would want to hire someone for only two and a half months? Bleh. But I'm eighteen and that means that if I displeased parents in the slightest they can kick me out of the house and my life becomes that much more difficult. Still, my mom had a good point. It'd be better for my own sanity and mental well-being not to be in the house all day every day with my dad this summer. We'd be at each other's throats in a heartbeat. *shiver*

So right now, I've applied at Albertson's. Hopefully I can turn in an app to Starbucks and Wendy's today. My only issue is that I'm limited to places within walking distance from my house. Es no bueno, aye? Oh well. It means money and money means my life gets slightly simpler. And my parents will be off my back.

ECSTATIC

Holy cow, life has taken a turn for the most amazing adventure EVER. I'm so excited!! And I now have a list for why life is perfect.

1. Chris

He's so amazing, I have no idea how I've lived without him. Plus, I'm pretty sure that I would not ahve made it through the last couple of months if he hadn't been by my side the whole time reminding me that I could do it.

2. I got to take my Biology Lab final outside yesterday. And I think I aced it.

3. All three tests that I had today (Chemistry Lab final included) are over with, and I think I passed them all.

4. Two days left of classes and then it's just a week of finals.

5. Chris.

6. Bri is out of town for tonight so I have the room to myself.

7. I know where I'm living next year!!!

8. The room is mostly clean.

9. I can kick back and relax for the next couple of days.

10. Chris gets to pick me up and take me home next weekend!!!! XD

11. School is almost over.

12. Initiation for Zeta is on Friday. Then, nothing to worry about with them after this weekend.

13. My stress-filled life is about to be stress-free ^.^

14. I can sleep now if I felt like it.

15. Chris is just so freakin' amazing!!!!

So yes, life is great. And I am pumped. Yay!!! And I'm not pulling my hair out anymore over all the insanity that is/was filling my life. Yay!!!

Stressed

I'm stressed. But didn't we already review this? I'm trying, but life is crazy. I got a flier the other day for signs and symptoms of burnout and I had all of the above. Fun. I'm so ready for the semester to end. I have an appointment with my adviser tomorrow about my schedule for next semester, so that will be interesting. Bri and I are looking into getting a place off campus that we can live in next semester; that should be interesting. Hopefully we can get another roommate or two to live with us so that rent is cheaper. There's only two and a half weeks left of classes before finals and then we head home. I'm stoked. I have what classes I want to take next year all planned out. I am planning on taking a couple of classes over the summer to alleviate my case-load. I'm trying to get an internship with the Albuquerque Police Department. They haven't called me back, though. So I will aim for a job at Borders. I've been walking everywhere since I gave my car back to my parents last week (because of financial reasons) so on Sunday, for instance, Bri and I walked 6 miles to Sonic and back. It took us an hour round trip. Today I walked around three miles. I think we walked 8 miles to the cemetery and back the other day. I walk to the Zeta house. If I don't get more in shape because of this I'm going to be mildly agitated. I'm having weird body functions a.k.a. mood swings. Bleh. And I really just want the semester to be over. Uhg.

The Roommate Conclusion

So today I found out that my roommate has decided that she does want to move in with Nicole, that their room request was approved, and she will be completely moved out of my room by Sunday. This will be fun. I'm noticing that I'm more sad than I thought I would be. I guess because I didn't find out from her, I found out from my friend Kim first and then I found out from her. It wasn't much of a time span difference, but still. I guess it makes me sad. And that my room is going to be lonely.

I'm trying to look at the positive side. I get to move the furniture however I want. My room will be quiet. People will only be in there when I want them to. I can focus without distraction. I don't have to worry about keeping someone up and I can go to sleep whenever. But I'm still sad.

I guess it's going to be a bit lonely. That feeling like someone's always there, knowing that you are going home to someone. Having a person who's there at any time of day. I know my roommate and I were not that close, but still, it's a sense of companionship that I won't have anymore. It's sad. And when I get a new roommate, I'm going to have to go back to that whole awkward time where you are living with someone you don't know. Uhg.

Roommates

Oi. Seriously. Life is so...dramatic. Here's what happened:

So my roommate, Karol, has this friend, Nicole, who comes over fairly often and they talk and whatnot and hang out. I don't really mind. But Nicole doesn't like her roommate.

A friend of mine who lives across the hall, Bri, just had her roommate move out. Because she moved, she has the room all to herself, but she knows that it won't stay that way forever. She doesn't want some new person in her room that she has to get acquainted with all over again.

Bri and Nicole got together and came up with a "brilliant" plan.

Step 1: Nicole would move into my room.

Reason: She could be with Karol rather than her roommate and they would get along.

Nicole's Logic: If she was staying with Karol and I wasn't, I wouldn't have to deal with her in my room all the time being loud and I could study in silence.

Step 2: I would move into Bri's room.

Reason: I would get to room with someone I know.

Bri's Logic: She wouldn't have to get a new roommate that she didn't know. Since we're already friends it would work out great.

Nicole's Logic: I would be with someone I'm already friends with. Plus, the new girl who would have originally been Bri's roommate wouldn't have to move into Bri's room only to move out again into Nicole's old room.

Step 3: The new girl who would have been in Bri's room will instead move into Nicole's old room down the hall.

Here's my thing, they told me about this plan right before I went to my last class on Friday. In class, I had bigger things to be thinking about rather than room drama with my room as the focal point and the creators of this idea didn't even live there. So I went to class and completely forgot about the plan. After class, Paige, Robyn, Kim, and I were supposed to hit the road to go to Albuquerque for the weekend, so I was concerned about packing. Right as I get to my room, I get a call from Bri.

Bri is hoping that I'm still okay with the plan and that I don't mind and hoping that I'll go with it. Karol doesn't care so she is just going along with it. I was hoping that I could think about it over the weekend, but they got to me right as I was about to go and so out of stress and haste, I signed the paperwork to do the room switch.

Everything was all set to go, but over the weekend I actually had some time to think. I kind of like my room. My room is nice. It's set up the way I want, everything's all moved in, I like it's location, Karol's pretty cool, and it feels like home. To move across the hall would be a pain in the ass. Also, Bri's already moved in, so I would have to adjust around her. Not quite so fun.

Another thing, I don't really see Bri and myself getting along very well as roommates. No offense or anything to her, but I just don't see us doing well as roommates. Friends, yeah, we're great. Sorority sisters, yeah, we're great. But roommates? Not so much.

After talking about it with Kim all weekend and thinking about it, I decided that I didn't actually want to do this. I just liked everything the way it was. Besides, if Nicole wanted to be closer to Karol, she could move in with Bri and we'd be fine.

Well, I get in today and I kind of tell Karol that I don't actually want to do the move anymore. I guess she wasn't paying attention. My RA, Stephanie, said she needed me to sign some papers about moving (which I thought I already did but whatever) and I said I didn't want to move anymore. Kim was with me, and she got a bit excited and told her the whole story. Stephanie said it was fine if I didn't want to move. She also said that if Karol and Nicole want to room together, there's an empty room down the hall that they could move into together. Well, I called up Karol to tell her about it.

I thought Karol didn't care one way or another, but I guess I was wrong. She seemed a little upset that I didn't want to move anymore. Then she said she had to talk to Nicole about whether or not they would do it. Now I feel kind of cheated. They kept saying from the beginning that I didn't have to move if I didn't want to. I would have if Karol had said she wanted me to because I don't want to force her to stay with me, but she didn't care either way so I figured she wouldn't mind. But now she might take off anyway.

If I end up by myself, I guess it isn't bad. I like Karol, but if she doesn't want to room with me I can't make her. Still, I guess I just want things to turn out alright. We'll see what happens.

First Weekend Home

So, obviously by the title, I went home this past Labor Day weekend. Reason being that I was going to get a new phone and my sister's birthday is on the 31st. So I went home.

It was weird when I left. I felt like I was leaving a part of my soul behind. It made me sad. Still, I was excited to be on the road, so I didn't complain.

I met up with my parents and we chillaxed together on the way home. We all started sharing stories and I told a bunch of my great college stories. It was fun, minus the fact that all four of us were talking at the same time, talking louder and louder trying to be heard by no one who was actually paying attention.

The next day was alright; I continued on like I was still at school. By the afternoon however, I had started to fall by into the same pattern that I'd been living my life in for the past three months. It was weird. As I was going to sleep, it felt like my two weeks at school had been nothing more than a dream of a perfect life that I could never, ever have, and that I was stuck in a place I would never be free from.

Sunday wasn't bad, but it was hard. By the end of the day, I was so frustrated with everything that I was even considering just leaving. However, I couldn't really do that because I'd feel too guilty and because I was giving Kim a ride home the next day. Anyway, it wasn't a great day. Basically, I think it was just that it felt SOmuch like my life when it sucked that I wanted to get away more than anything else, to be reminded that the last two weeks actually happened.

Anyway, today I came home. It was good, but I wasn't all for the driving for five hours. Don't get me wrong, I love driving, it's just that I was really tired is all. Doesn't help that the landscape only gets duller the longer you're driving. Even while I was driving, it still felt like I'd show up and nothing would be here to ever prove that the source of all my happiness would exist. Still, once I got here, it didn't really change.

I got back to school this afternoon and it felt as if I had merely fallen asleep again and I just picked up on my dream where I had left off. It was weird. It still feels a bit surreal. I've got everything I brought all put away and I'm already starting to get back into the swing of things, but I still feel like I'm going to wake up any moment in my bed in a hell I'll never escape. It's weird.

I've Moved

I am now living in Portales at ENMU. It's pretty neat. I'm still pretty shy though so it's kind of interesting being here. I didn't meet my roommate yet. It looks like I have a different roommate and she didn't come for the first day yesterday. Hopefully she'll be here by Wednesday. Something was up with the keys in my dorm so I lack keys for my room. That's interesting. Still, I should have them by Monday.

Last night we had an awesome fireworks show. It was pretty intense, they were really loud and then the sound echoed off of all the buildings. It's crazy stuff.

Anyway, I'm a bit shy so it's making me nervous about this afternoon, well, okay the rest of Dawg Days, but hopefully I'll have a good time. We just have to wait and see.

Stress

Well, I am leaving for school in about a week and a half. I'm actually starting to freak out a little bit. I'm going to school four hours away from home. I've been far from home multiple times. Hell, I went to Australia and New Zealand for three weeks when I was 15 without the accompaniment of my parents. I've been to nationals three times for dance (twice in Vegas, once in Orlando). I've been to dance and church camp for about a week each (dance three times, church twice). All of this started after my sixth grade year. So yes, I am used to being away from home, but this is the first time where it's more of a permanence. My parents are just a phone call away, but I'm about to turn 18 and I'm living else-where. I don't have coaches or leaders or advisers following me everywhere monitoring my time 24/7 this time. It's all me. I have to be an adult. And I am scared shitless.