Zeta. Life. School. Break.

Well, I made it through the semester. For about the last month I wasn't sure if I was going to actually make it. Things got rough. And Zeta drove me insane. I never thought I'd hit a point where I wanted to quit. Almost did. At this point, I'm going to go alum after I get married. It's a semester early, but it's okay. I didn't get an office and I disagree with the chapter and where it's going, so I don't want to be a part of it any longer than I have to. What I am keeping in mind is the principles of Zeta. I love Zeta for what it stands for, what it teaches, and the ideals every Zeta should live by. It is for these reasons I stick by it, not the people I have to stick by in this chapter. Now don't get me wrong, I love them, but I don't think they make good leaders. There are better people who could be in those positions but whatever. The politics aren't going to ruin my life. They're everywhere and unavoidable in life so just learning to deal and survive is good.
School is over. For the semester at least. Two left. And I'm on break. So yeah. Freedom. We'll see how the next few weeks go.

Little Sisters and Zeta

So,yesterday we unveiled who our new member's big sisters are. You know what mine did? Told me that she didn't want me because I'm never around and acted pissed off in subtler ways all the while hinting at who she really wanted as her big. FML. It doesn't help me that she said the exact words that have been bothering me for the last month: I'm never around. It's true. I can't do anything with my sisters. I'm always working. And so no matter what they're doing, I'm never there for it. I don't know our new members because I'm not there. Hell, yeah I got this little sister, but I don't even know her! So what am I to do?

I think what hurts the most is that I'm trying and people don't see that unless they're my closest friends in chapter. It makes me want to quit. Honestly, I feel like I'm only dragging my chapter down if I stay. I'm an officer, yes, but I'm debating on if I should relinquish that position. I don't know what to do. This fucking sucks.

Grad School?

Currently that's the issue I'm mulling over in my head. Do I want to go to grad school and get a master's in Forensics or do I want to go to law school. Luckily, there are a couple of schools where you can actually do both. Still, you have to be accepted into each program individually. Uhg. I've been looking at numerous grad schools, and after I get through those I'm probably going to start checking out law schools. Oi. If only I knew what to do with my life.

I'm finally done with recruitment and finally unsilenced. I can reassociate with Zeta, however it sucks because I work nights. This means that even though I can hang out with them and wear shirts and whatever else, I still can't really go to anything because I'm always working. FML. I guess that's what happens in the big kid world, you lose time to do fun things as you work your butt off to make ends meet. Sometimes I wish I wasn't growing up. Plus, no matter where I go for school in 2012, I'm going to be moving to a place I don't know (more likely than not) and being far from everyone and everything I know. Alright, the only schools in Forensics are basically on the coasts, and mostly in the northeast. If I moved there I'd be close to family I've never really known well, and if I moved to California I'd be really close to family I rarely see. If I go to Florida, well, there's no one there. Nore is there anyone in Michigan or Illinois. *Sigh* Life is hard.

The good thing is the stability and happiness that Chris gives me. Whenever I start to lose hope or get really down he's always there to pick me back up and remind me that I'm okay. No matter what I freak out about, from Zeta to being a hypochondriac (and all that comes with that) to school, to family, to life, he's always there to keep me sane. He loves me and supports me in all I do, and he's there for me. Always. I fucking love this guy.

Well, life is kicking my ass. I'm a student who's taking overtime in hours (full time max is 18, I'm doing 20), I'm working two jobs, I'm in many extracurricular activities, and I still manage to maintain a 3.3 GPA and a social life. I think I'm superwoman.

So Close!!!

Summer school ends this week. I've finished two of four classes. I'm so ready to be done. Oi. Just waiting for the week to end. Huzzah! After this week I can spend all of my energy on two things: Cleaning my house and planning recruitment. Dude, I couldn't even sleep last night because of how much I was thinking of/planning recruitment. Oi. Eat, sleep, and breathe it I suppose. I guess it's a good thing though, to care this much. It means I actually give a crap about it and want to make sure it's good. Bleh. I will cuddle with the cats and plan. Fun. Anyway, not much else to say. I'll ttyl.

Magical Lubbock Adventure

Woot! I ran away to Lubbock, TX yesterday (uhg Texas sucks, I know, I'm painfully aware of that) and I had a blast with my ZTA little sister, Alex, and my adopted ZTA big sister, Petra. It was loads of fun! What I'm super jealous about, though, is how many Greeks Texas Tech has. Our campus has 5 established, one colonizing. Of those six, four are for guys. So that leaves two for girls. At Tech, it is ridiculous how many they have! I'm so jealous! Going to bigger schools makes me want to see what it's like to be Greek there rather than here. ENMU is one of the most anti-Greek schools you can have while still maintaining Greek life. Last year the administration tried to get all Greeks off campus because they blamed us for a high freshman dropout rate. Newsflash, it's because of Greeks that many freshman stay in college. I know a few of my sisters would have left a while ago if it wasn't for us. Also, we had to say what our classification was, what our G.P.A. was at, and what organizations we were in that aren't Greek. Let me just say that Greeks on our campus have higher G.P.A.s, fill in all years of schooling (yeah, there are even grad-students on campus who are Greek), and make up the majority of students involved on anything in campus. So, I think that's a score for Greeks. Anyway, sorry for ranting. My point is, we need more Greeks on campus. I think that it would greatly help the entire system here. We have two women's fraternities on campus. Two. It makes it a constant fight against the two of them, fighting for members, pushing against one another; I just think that it would help immensely if we had more women's fraternities on campus. Not only would it provide more options for girls here on campus to choose from, it would also help lessen the competition between the two already here. When there are more groups to choose from, more people belong to different groups, and Greek life thrives. Because the pressure isn't so high to get numbers, the groups would get along better. It wouldn't just be a show between which group is better. I honestly believe that our school would be better off if we added at least one more women's fraternity. I know that they've existed,so why not bring them back? I know that Alpha Chi Omega was once here. So ask them to recolonize. Or bring in Delta Delta Delta or Kappa Kappa Gamma or Kappa Alpha Theta or Alpha Phi. There are so many out there, so let's do it. It makes me happy to see strong Greek communities, and it sucks that ours isn't. I know it's getting better, it really is, but it could be so much more.

Anyway, off of the Greek rant. So Alex, Petra, and I went to Lubbock yesterday to pick up Alex's boyfriend who was flying in from Memphis. We went wandering around Lubbock for a few hours, ate food, and basically just hung out. At one point Alex and I ended up walking around Texas Tech just to see what it was like. We checked out one of their dorms and holy crap that thing is nice! I'm so envious!! If we had dorms like that I might be more willing to stay on campus. Still, I learned that Tech is a really pretty school, and I can see why a lot of people go there. Maybe I just missed out on that whole "college visit" thing because I never did that. I never went to other schools and looked around. So maybe I'm making up for it. We tried to talk to some members of the Zeta chapter over there but it failed (no one was home) so we had to move on, but it was still way fun. We also ran by Best Buy and got Petra a new laptop. And, while I was there, I found out that there is a very good potential that I might be getting one next weekend. Eek!!! Another bonus, I have enough money as of Friday to buy my bride's maid dress next weekend, so I am pretty stoked. Oh! I get to go home this weekend!! Yay!! This is the first time in two months that I get to leave here and go home! Holy crap!! I'm so excited!! Eek! I miss my sister so bad I want to jump her and tackle her and drive her insane because I miss her like crazy!

Alright, I should probably bring this nonsense to a close, because all it is is me going on and on with no sense of purpose and no direction. Oi. So anyway, long story short, I had a blast in Lubbock yesterday. And I am a proud member of the Greek family. Woot!

ECSTATIC

Holy cow, life has taken a turn for the most amazing adventure EVER. I'm so excited!! And I now have a list for why life is perfect.

1. Chris

He's so amazing, I have no idea how I've lived without him. Plus, I'm pretty sure that I would not ahve made it through the last couple of months if he hadn't been by my side the whole time reminding me that I could do it.

2. I got to take my Biology Lab final outside yesterday. And I think I aced it.

3. All three tests that I had today (Chemistry Lab final included) are over with, and I think I passed them all.

4. Two days left of classes and then it's just a week of finals.

5. Chris.

6. Bri is out of town for tonight so I have the room to myself.

7. I know where I'm living next year!!!

8. The room is mostly clean.

9. I can kick back and relax for the next couple of days.

10. Chris gets to pick me up and take me home next weekend!!!! XD

11. School is almost over.

12. Initiation for Zeta is on Friday. Then, nothing to worry about with them after this weekend.

13. My stress-filled life is about to be stress-free ^.^

14. I can sleep now if I felt like it.

15. Chris is just so freakin' amazing!!!!

So yes, life is great. And I am pumped. Yay!!! And I'm not pulling my hair out anymore over all the insanity that is/was filling my life. Yay!!!

Life!

Life. Is. Crazy. But then again, who's life isn't? I've been crazy stressed out, on the edge of psychosis, struggling to stay alive, see friends, I'm head-over-heels in love, and somehow I'm still alive. I don't get it. After my meltdown on Monday, I spent substantial time on Tuesday trying to figure out what is stressing me out in life. Without finishing the list, I got up to 73 reasons. Again, I don't know how I'm not dead. I think it's Chris keeping me alive and giving me a reason to keep trying. All my friends say we're disgustingly adorable but I just don't care, actually. I love him too much to really pay attention to people and what they say. So for the remaining four weeks of school I'm going to continue trying just because of him. =]

Caravaning

This weekend I went on a caravan and let me review some simple rules that I've decided are important for driving in a large group:

1. Always stop at red lights.

2. Construction zones mean drive slowly.

3. If I'm having to drive 100 mph to catch up to you, you're driving too fast.

4. Use cruise control; it's your best friend.

5. Don't tailgate the people you're following. If something happens to whoever is in front, all of you will be screwed.

6. Speed limits are not suggestions, so follow them.

7. When you are approaching a light, make sure there's enough time not only for yourself to go through but for the rest of the cars to go through.

8. When turning at an intersection, don't turn unless the other five cars behind you have time to turn, too.

9. Don't stop in the middle of the highway.

10. If the group gets split up, be very clear about how you're going to find each other again.

School

You know, as my second blog in the new year, I really considered doing something that was looking back on 2008 now that it's past but I just couldn't bring it. 2006 was a shitty year, so I started looking back on my years at the beginning of 2007. 2008 I was excited to look back and forward because of the new possibilities. This year, it just doesn't seem appropriate. Short tradition, aye?

Well, I'm basically done with my first week of classes for the semester. Woot! I have medication, so hopefully no more dramatic mood swings. I've been on it for a couple of weeks and have had no problems that I can tell. I've stayed pretty consistent on the emotional scale and no crazy manic moments (other than yesterday, but we're going to ignore that...)

Classes are awesome. I'm taking Bio 2, Chem 2, Stats, Criminal Justice, and Dance. Cool classes, aye? Well, maybe you don't think so, but I do. Well, minus Chem. It's not really my thing. I'm a bio major, what can I say? Dance is fantastic and I know I'll love it. Criminal Justice, well, interesting subject but I have yet to decide on the actual class. Bio is cool, same teacher as last semester plus I have friends in the class this semester =] Stats is probably going to be one of those classes that I fall in love with, I just haven't figured it out yet. Yay school!! Maybe loving school makes me weird, but oh well. I'm a full time learner of everything from now until I die.

Zeta is awesome. I'm secretary for my chapter and loving it. I was installed officially a week ago and just started working, but it works. I'm way busy with all the events that I have to go to (my roommate is complaining that she never sees be because of it, but it really isn't that bad) but it's growing on me so I don't mind.

I haven't been able to breathe through my nose really well for the past three or four years and about a year ago it was thought that it was because of allergies, so about a week ago (or two I guess) I went to an allergist (finally!) and got tested for anything I could be allergic to. Out of the 50 or so things they tested, I'm only very very slightly (basically meaning I'm not) allergic to a couple of grasses. Yay for a lack of allergies!!! But it still didn't answer why my nosed is congested all the time. So the allergist thinks I need a CT scan of my head, but because of my insurance I need to try something else first, so the allergist said to treat it like a sinus infection. Guess what that means... Yup, pills and nasal rinses. Do you know how weird nasal rinsing is?!?! Holy canoly, weirdest feeling ever.

Oh, I had my first appointment with a gynecologist a couple weeks ago. Guys, let me tell you, you are some pretty lucky people. I know you have your own masculine things to complain about, but this sucks. Well, I guess it falls into a similar category as getting a prostate check, but still. Crazy uncomfortable, painful, and no fun. Bleh. Being a woman sucks.

So that's basically my past month for you. Fun stuff I suppose. I should probably write about Australia at some point, but that doesn't seem appropriate right now. Anyhowzers, I love you guys for reading =] Hearts!!! <3 <3

It's a Big Move

I, like so many others before me, have gone Greek. I joined the sisterhood of Zeta Tau Alpha last night. No, my new sisters are not anything like the stereotypes.

Yeah, I was hesitant to join. I knew that the bond of friendship that exists in a sorority is something that I would like, but if it came with being profiled around campus as being "easy", if I had to go to parties and drink, if I had to go through "hazing" to be accepted, then going Greek was something I wouldn't do. Still, I knew that everything I heard was stereotypes of all Greeks, so I knew that I had to get to know them personally before I could ever judge them. With that being said, I decided to go through formal recruitment. For the last three days I went to six different parties, or rather, three individual parties for both the sororities here, Chi Omega and Zeta Tau Alpha.

I was skeptical at first but the more time that I spent thinking about it and the more time I spent with all the individuals, I came to realize that the groups were filled with amazing women and by the last two hours of time I had to sit and think last night about which group I would join, I was torn between both. In the end, I went with ZTA.

The Zetas are AMAZING. I know that the bond I'm going to be having with them is going to be one I will never forget. My pledge class is really cool, too, and I know that we're all going to be part of this really amazing group.