Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Fuck My Life
Bleh. I feel like running around doing a happy naked dance right now because maybe it'll help the black feeling of my heart. It sucks, and it hurts. I hate relationships. I hate people. Uhg. I'm so confused by all of it and the mood swings aren't helping any. I'm just ready to be in mid-September already. Life isn't going fast enough and yet it feels like I'm watching it pass me on fast-forward.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Uhg
It sucks. My boyfriend and I have been having it rough recently mainly because I was moving back to school and he was staying back home. He broke up with me five days after I left. Then, I went back home and two days later we were back together. But the next week wasn't that great. And so I broke up with him today. Oi. Life is just complicated. Why can't relationships be easy? Plus, I'm busy here but I kinda want a boyfriend near where I am because distance sucks and there's a potential but uhg. And he was a Dawg Days councelor with me. Super uhg. I'm just lonely, hurt, confused, happy, sad, and overall just highly confused and in lots of pain. I hate it. I wish life didn't have to be so hard. If only it was like dance, something that just happened and always turned out the way I wanted it to. I don't even know what to do at this point. I think I'm just going to smuther myself in life. I don't even want to deal with anyone at this point. I think I need sleep to get out of this emo slump.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Alone
That's how I feel. Maybe that's why I pour myself into the online world, I have some deep subconscious hope that someone out there will find me and then maybe I can stop trying to deal with life by myself. Because every single person I've ever put trust in, hope in, faith in, any bit of myself in, it's all been taken and shoved in my face. So there's no one to talk to, no one to share my secrets with, no one to hold me when I feel like shit, no one to reassure me that it's okay, no one to love me, no one to conspire with. Is it really so much to ask for? I give all of my self to people but now it's like so much of me has been taken by every person as they left that I've been broken and shattered into a billion little pieces never to be whole again. Maybe that's why I'm always in pain. But knowing that you're on your own really makes you hate the fact that you can feel at all, because it wouldn't bug you so much if you couldn't.
Friday, July 17, 2009
You know...
The point of having a blog is, oh I don't know, to blog! And clearly I fail at that. Oi. Wha'ts weird is that I check this all the time I just don't update it. I guess I just have a lack of motivation or something. Bleh. So, updates on life:
1. Just had my 5 month anniversary with Chris. Twas amazing!
2. I've been doing summer school. I'm taking Cultural Anthropology and Criminal Investigations. So...much...reading!
3. I was babysitting for about three weeks. Finally over, but it definitely wore me out.
4. My mom had a hysterectomy at the beginning of the month.
5. My dad is having a hard time with his massage business. But he just finished his massage CD (if you're interested, go to www.kirksugars.com), so that is good.
6. I had a hormonal attack a couple of days ago. No fun. The worst part is that the lies your body tells you are made to be so real...
7. I have had a change of heart of what I am going to do with my life. After I finish school I'm going to work in a Crime Lab for three years and then work to become an FBI Special Agent.
8. I started working out again. My body is loving me for it.
9. I've been keeping my room cleaner.
10. I can't wait for school to start up again. I'm going back in about two weeks.
Anyway, that's about it. I'll try to post more. I know, I say that all the time. Uhg. But who knows, maybe this time will be different, aye?
1. Just had my 5 month anniversary with Chris. Twas amazing!
2. I've been doing summer school. I'm taking Cultural Anthropology and Criminal Investigations. So...much...reading!
3. I was babysitting for about three weeks. Finally over, but it definitely wore me out.
4. My mom had a hysterectomy at the beginning of the month.
5. My dad is having a hard time with his massage business. But he just finished his massage CD (if you're interested, go to www.kirksugars.com), so that is good.
6. I had a hormonal attack a couple of days ago. No fun. The worst part is that the lies your body tells you are made to be so real...
7. I have had a change of heart of what I am going to do with my life. After I finish school I'm going to work in a Crime Lab for three years and then work to become an FBI Special Agent.
8. I started working out again. My body is loving me for it.
9. I've been keeping my room cleaner.
10. I can't wait for school to start up again. I'm going back in about two weeks.
Anyway, that's about it. I'll try to post more. I know, I say that all the time. Uhg. But who knows, maybe this time will be different, aye?
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Sinus Surgery
Yuppers, so I know that I posted at some point in time that I needed to have surgery because my septum was deviated and I had a cyst in one of my sinuses. Well, yesterday was my lucky day of accomplishment. Huzzah.
One plus, I got to sing "They're coming to take me away! Ha! Ha! They're coming to take me away! Ho! Ho! He! He! Ha! Ha!" But not to the funny farm. I did get drugged. I saw cool lights that looked like I'd been taken away by aliens. I felt burning in my arm as the anesthetics kicked in. I fell asleep as the oxygen mask was placed on my face. Woot.
I woke up about two hours later with a slight burning sensation in my nose and the same oxygen mask attached to my face. The nurse who was attending to me was super sweet. I got to drink water and eat crackers. Mmm. Crackers. Delicious! I got cool socks with paw prints on them to wear, and nifty hospital gown that could show everything but I was too drugged up to care, and a sweet little thing to wrap around my head to catch all the blood dripping out of my nose. Fun times, aye?
I also got a wheelchair ride! Yay! They pushed me to my car in a wheel chair and it was almost like being royalty because I was escorted out by a couple of nurses and my dad while being pushed on a wheelchair by the nurse. It was awesome!
I was given vicaden for pain and something else as an antibiotic to keep infections away. I was told that my septum was straightened nicely and that it was a good thing I had the cyst removed because there was a growing infection around it with lots of puss so it would have been substantially worse if it hadn't been removed.
Today I got to get the splints taken out of my nose (which was actually the best part of that visit). What a relief! It took out so much pressure from my nose! Only thing was, I had stitches in my nose from straightening my septum that were cut out today (ouch!), a lot of dried and crusted blood stuck to hair around my nose that got ripped off, and a suction thing stuck up my nose to get rid of a bunch of gunk that was lodged up there. Bleh!
But I did my first nasal rinse and it actually felt substantially better than when I had done them before the surgery. Much less pressure to work around. I'm able to breathe more through my nose (although it smells kind of weird) and it doesn't hurt so much. But maybe that's just the medication talking. I'm super sleepy it seems, so I keep taking these little naps because I have to sleep upright and I can't sleep for more than a few hours. Oh well. Medicine helps me sleep, though.
I can't look down (for the most part), so that is making things interesting, but oh well. I ate a bowl of ramen today and I was very excited. I watched the movie Seven yesterday. It was AMAZING. And Chris came by with a goody basket and loads of love. Today Carla and her brother Andrew came by with goody bags and love, too, and I was very excited. Yay! So now I think I'm off to sleep more. At least, maybe. I have to take medication again in 30 minutes so maybe I'll wait till then to collapse.
One plus, I got to sing "They're coming to take me away! Ha! Ha! They're coming to take me away! Ho! Ho! He! He! Ha! Ha!" But not to the funny farm. I did get drugged. I saw cool lights that looked like I'd been taken away by aliens. I felt burning in my arm as the anesthetics kicked in. I fell asleep as the oxygen mask was placed on my face. Woot.
I woke up about two hours later with a slight burning sensation in my nose and the same oxygen mask attached to my face. The nurse who was attending to me was super sweet. I got to drink water and eat crackers. Mmm. Crackers. Delicious! I got cool socks with paw prints on them to wear, and nifty hospital gown that could show everything but I was too drugged up to care, and a sweet little thing to wrap around my head to catch all the blood dripping out of my nose. Fun times, aye?
I also got a wheelchair ride! Yay! They pushed me to my car in a wheel chair and it was almost like being royalty because I was escorted out by a couple of nurses and my dad while being pushed on a wheelchair by the nurse. It was awesome!
I was given vicaden for pain and something else as an antibiotic to keep infections away. I was told that my septum was straightened nicely and that it was a good thing I had the cyst removed because there was a growing infection around it with lots of puss so it would have been substantially worse if it hadn't been removed.
Today I got to get the splints taken out of my nose (which was actually the best part of that visit). What a relief! It took out so much pressure from my nose! Only thing was, I had stitches in my nose from straightening my septum that were cut out today (ouch!), a lot of dried and crusted blood stuck to hair around my nose that got ripped off, and a suction thing stuck up my nose to get rid of a bunch of gunk that was lodged up there. Bleh!
But I did my first nasal rinse and it actually felt substantially better than when I had done them before the surgery. Much less pressure to work around. I'm able to breathe more through my nose (although it smells kind of weird) and it doesn't hurt so much. But maybe that's just the medication talking. I'm super sleepy it seems, so I keep taking these little naps because I have to sleep upright and I can't sleep for more than a few hours. Oh well. Medicine helps me sleep, though.
I can't look down (for the most part), so that is making things interesting, but oh well. I ate a bowl of ramen today and I was very excited. I watched the movie Seven yesterday. It was AMAZING. And Chris came by with a goody basket and loads of love. Today Carla and her brother Andrew came by with goody bags and love, too, and I was very excited. Yay! So now I think I'm off to sleep more. At least, maybe. I have to take medication again in 30 minutes so maybe I'll wait till then to collapse.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Coming Home
I moved back home from Portales on Saturday. I didn't realize that I had so much crap. Holy cow. The worst part is that a lot of it is stuff that I don't need while I'm at home, like first aid stuff, laundry detergent, sheets for beds of different sizes, food, etc. And, because I didn't have it here to begin with, finding a place to put it now is difficult. So I have come to the conclusion that it's time for another room emptying session where I get rid of more stuff. Only problem is I'm a pack rat and I hold on to sentimental stuff for ages. Bleh.
Life at home is...interesting. I get to see Chris pretty much every day (which is awesome), see friends I haven't seen in a while, and hang out with my sister. It's just being home that's....odd. I get the strangest feeling from my dad that I'm just someone who lives here that he really wishes wouldn't. I hate that feeling, like I'm being loathed for existing and costing him money. Oi. My mom says it's not like that at all, but it's still the feeling I get from him. Bleh.
Once again I'm into the predicament of finding a summer job. Only this summer, it's essential that I get one. Uhg. But who would want to hire someone for only two and a half months? Bleh. But I'm eighteen and that means that if I displeased parents in the slightest they can kick me out of the house and my life becomes that much more difficult. Still, my mom had a good point. It'd be better for my own sanity and mental well-being not to be in the house all day every day with my dad this summer. We'd be at each other's throats in a heartbeat. *shiver*
So right now, I've applied at Albertson's. Hopefully I can turn in an app to Starbucks and Wendy's today. My only issue is that I'm limited to places within walking distance from my house. Es no bueno, aye? Oh well. It means money and money means my life gets slightly simpler. And my parents will be off my back.
Life at home is...interesting. I get to see Chris pretty much every day (which is awesome), see friends I haven't seen in a while, and hang out with my sister. It's just being home that's....odd. I get the strangest feeling from my dad that I'm just someone who lives here that he really wishes wouldn't. I hate that feeling, like I'm being loathed for existing and costing him money. Oi. My mom says it's not like that at all, but it's still the feeling I get from him. Bleh.
Once again I'm into the predicament of finding a summer job. Only this summer, it's essential that I get one. Uhg. But who would want to hire someone for only two and a half months? Bleh. But I'm eighteen and that means that if I displeased parents in the slightest they can kick me out of the house and my life becomes that much more difficult. Still, my mom had a good point. It'd be better for my own sanity and mental well-being not to be in the house all day every day with my dad this summer. We'd be at each other's throats in a heartbeat. *shiver*
So right now, I've applied at Albertson's. Hopefully I can turn in an app to Starbucks and Wendy's today. My only issue is that I'm limited to places within walking distance from my house. Es no bueno, aye? Oh well. It means money and money means my life gets slightly simpler. And my parents will be off my back.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Odd Thought
You know what is one of the strangest feelings in the world? Being in a ridiculously amazing mood (which I was fortunate enough to find myself in yesterday) but then at the same time start having weird little insecurities pop up out of nowhere. It was almost comical how it all played out.
Basically, I was on the phone with Chris last night. I was feeling amazing because of life and everything being so great (as stated in past blog). As we were talking, though, random insecure thoughts kept popping up. Part of me was laughing, part of me was like, "Really, Krista, really?" and then part of me was trembling in fear that it was true. It was just stupid stuff like, "My legs are so scrawny", (wtf, I know) "My boobs are too big", "Am I really adorable like Chris says?", "What if I'm not smart at all?", etc. And part of me was just laughing hysterically at it.
Really, the insecurities were stupid. And I was feeling absolutely phenomenal about myself and life. So I couldn't believe that I was actually having thoughts like that. It made me laugh because it was just so silly and out of the blue. It didn't make sense and, especially insecurities pertaining to Chris, I was laughing at how far off base I was to even have thoughts like that.
Another part of me was just stunned with disbelief that the thoughts could have come up in the first place. It was incredulous that I could ever think such things, especially about Chris!!! And so I just stared at myself like, "Really, wtf. You're done. No. No more talking. You aren't aloud to talk anymore until your stupidity wears off." It was just pure annoyance that something so stupid could fester in my brain and wait to destroy me like a little time bomb counting down till I hit a moment of depression or something so that then it could completely destroy my mind. Holy crap! I'm a mind ninja to myself!!! 0.0 Scary!!
And the last part of me was scared to death that all of it was true. Trembling in the dark little places in my mind, I was cowering with fear that all my insecurities were based on fact. I guess it kind of goes back to that saying, You are your own worst enemy. And I am. I am the most critical person to myself. I judge myself harder than anyone else does. I verbally attack myself all the time. It's just not cool. Bleh!
Well, let's just say that being torn in those three directions is no fun. Nope. It's the oddest sensation ever. But it makes me laugh at the same time. So maybe next time when I'm feeling down on myself and like I'm worthless to the world I should take a step back and find the humor about all that I'm telling myself. Because I am amazing and I deserve better than what I treat myself with.
Basically, I was on the phone with Chris last night. I was feeling amazing because of life and everything being so great (as stated in past blog). As we were talking, though, random insecure thoughts kept popping up. Part of me was laughing, part of me was like, "Really, Krista, really?" and then part of me was trembling in fear that it was true. It was just stupid stuff like, "My legs are so scrawny", (wtf, I know) "My boobs are too big", "Am I really adorable like Chris says?", "What if I'm not smart at all?", etc. And part of me was just laughing hysterically at it.
Really, the insecurities were stupid. And I was feeling absolutely phenomenal about myself and life. So I couldn't believe that I was actually having thoughts like that. It made me laugh because it was just so silly and out of the blue. It didn't make sense and, especially insecurities pertaining to Chris, I was laughing at how far off base I was to even have thoughts like that.
Another part of me was just stunned with disbelief that the thoughts could have come up in the first place. It was incredulous that I could ever think such things, especially about Chris!!! And so I just stared at myself like, "Really, wtf. You're done. No. No more talking. You aren't aloud to talk anymore until your stupidity wears off." It was just pure annoyance that something so stupid could fester in my brain and wait to destroy me like a little time bomb counting down till I hit a moment of depression or something so that then it could completely destroy my mind. Holy crap! I'm a mind ninja to myself!!! 0.0 Scary!!
And the last part of me was scared to death that all of it was true. Trembling in the dark little places in my mind, I was cowering with fear that all my insecurities were based on fact. I guess it kind of goes back to that saying, You are your own worst enemy. And I am. I am the most critical person to myself. I judge myself harder than anyone else does. I verbally attack myself all the time. It's just not cool. Bleh!
Well, let's just say that being torn in those three directions is no fun. Nope. It's the oddest sensation ever. But it makes me laugh at the same time. So maybe next time when I'm feeling down on myself and like I'm worthless to the world I should take a step back and find the humor about all that I'm telling myself. Because I am amazing and I deserve better than what I treat myself with.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
ECSTATIC
Holy cow, life has taken a turn for the most amazing adventure EVER. I'm so excited!! And I now have a list for why life is perfect.
1. Chris
He's so amazing, I have no idea how I've lived without him. Plus, I'm pretty sure that I would not ahve made it through the last couple of months if he hadn't been by my side the whole time reminding me that I could do it.
2. I got to take my Biology Lab final outside yesterday. And I think I aced it.
3. All three tests that I had today (Chemistry Lab final included) are over with, and I think I passed them all.
4. Two days left of classes and then it's just a week of finals.
5. Chris.
6. Bri is out of town for tonight so I have the room to myself.
7. I know where I'm living next year!!!
8. The room is mostly clean.
9. I can kick back and relax for the next couple of days.
10. Chris gets to pick me up and take me home next weekend!!!! XD
11. School is almost over.
12. Initiation for Zeta is on Friday. Then, nothing to worry about with them after this weekend.
13. My stress-filled life is about to be stress-free ^.^
14. I can sleep now if I felt like it.
15. Chris is just so freakin' amazing!!!!
So yes, life is great. And I am pumped. Yay!!! And I'm not pulling my hair out anymore over all the insanity that is/was filling my life. Yay!!!
1. Chris
He's so amazing, I have no idea how I've lived without him. Plus, I'm pretty sure that I would not ahve made it through the last couple of months if he hadn't been by my side the whole time reminding me that I could do it.
2. I got to take my Biology Lab final outside yesterday. And I think I aced it.
3. All three tests that I had today (Chemistry Lab final included) are over with, and I think I passed them all.
4. Two days left of classes and then it's just a week of finals.
5. Chris.
6. Bri is out of town for tonight so I have the room to myself.
7. I know where I'm living next year!!!
8. The room is mostly clean.
9. I can kick back and relax for the next couple of days.
10. Chris gets to pick me up and take me home next weekend!!!! XD
11. School is almost over.
12. Initiation for Zeta is on Friday. Then, nothing to worry about with them after this weekend.
13. My stress-filled life is about to be stress-free ^.^
14. I can sleep now if I felt like it.
15. Chris is just so freakin' amazing!!!!
So yes, life is great. And I am pumped. Yay!!! And I'm not pulling my hair out anymore over all the insanity that is/was filling my life. Yay!!!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Dead Connection
Fantastic book by Charlie Price. Chris's mom leant it to me over spring break and I only just now took the time to sit down and read it. It wasn't really a hard read or anything, just a little odd because it went with a bunch of different points of view and kept changing them every couple of pages. That's why it took me four hours to read it. But it was great ^.^ If you have a chance, go read it.
(Just so it goes on the record, that was a horrible book review. I'm sorry. ='[ )
One Week
That's all that's left of time spent in actual classes. And then I have a week of finals. Not bad. I'm so ready for the semester to be over. But on Thursday evening I had something that isn't necessarily unusual, it's just that it was more unexpected. I was stressed out about life, Zeta, school, and just everything in general (for the most part at least) and then a sudden moment of clarity hit me. All of a sudden I felt very calm and certain that this semester would end just fine. And I wasn't worried anymore. Everything just sort of fell into place mentally and it was sort of like a moment where it was like, "Why am I worrying? Everything's going to be fine." It was nice. And now I'm not stressed at all. I just feel like everything will work out. Maybe it's a dellusion that I've put myself under as a means of keeping my mental sanity, but who knows? Maybe it's my body telling me to chill the **** out because I'm worrying over nothing. I hope that's the case.
Life has slowed down substantially and I'm ecstatic. No, it's not entirely stress free, but there's no new stresses (for the most part). Now, it's just watching the ridiculously long list of stress factors diminishing at a fairly steady pace. There's so much less to worry about. Plus, nothing school related can add much of anything new to my stress list. So all I have to do is tough it out for the next week and then it's pretty much over. I feel so much better.
Life has slowed down substantially and I'm ecstatic. No, it's not entirely stress free, but there's no new stresses (for the most part). Now, it's just watching the ridiculously long list of stress factors diminishing at a fairly steady pace. There's so much less to worry about. Plus, nothing school related can add much of anything new to my stress list. So all I have to do is tough it out for the next week and then it's pretty much over. I feel so much better.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Thirsty
Thirsty is an incredible book. Holy cow! It's by M. T. Anderson, and it's phenomenal. Win. For certain. But maybe it makes me weird by how much I like it. I can't help it, I want to be a part of a supernatural world. Badly. I would be a vampire in a heart beat if I could. Is it bad that I wouldn't have a problem killing for life? Who knows. I know some people would hate me for that, but it's where I stand. And I know that there are others who feel the same. But yes. Back to the book. (Haha, sorry about the sidetrack of my desire for the supernatural) The book is f-ing epic!! Much love!! And vampires are such win!!! No, these vampires are not the happy-go-lucky vampires of Twilight, nor are they the amazing sex gods of Anne Rice, but they are brutal and, surprisingly, a commonly accepted part of society in this book. Minus the part where there are public slayings. But yes. Amazing. Go read. =]
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Stressed
I'm stressed. But didn't we already review this? I'm trying, but life is crazy. I got a flier the other day for signs and symptoms of burnout and I had all of the above. Fun. I'm so ready for the semester to end. I have an appointment with my adviser tomorrow about my schedule for next semester, so that will be interesting. Bri and I are looking into getting a place off campus that we can live in next semester; that should be interesting. Hopefully we can get another roommate or two to live with us so that rent is cheaper. There's only two and a half weeks left of classes before finals and then we head home. I'm stoked. I have what classes I want to take next year all planned out. I am planning on taking a couple of classes over the summer to alleviate my case-load. I'm trying to get an internship with the Albuquerque Police Department. They haven't called me back, though. So I will aim for a job at Borders. I've been walking everywhere since I gave my car back to my parents last week (because of financial reasons) so on Sunday, for instance, Bri and I walked 6 miles to Sonic and back. It took us an hour round trip. Today I walked around three miles. I think we walked 8 miles to the cemetery and back the other day. I walk to the Zeta house. If I don't get more in shape because of this I'm going to be mildly agitated. I'm having weird body functions a.k.a. mood swings. Bleh. And I really just want the semester to be over. Uhg.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Life!
Life. Is. Crazy. But then again, who's life isn't? I've been crazy stressed out, on the edge of psychosis, struggling to stay alive, see friends, I'm head-over-heels in love, and somehow I'm still alive. I don't get it. After my meltdown on Monday, I spent substantial time on Tuesday trying to figure out what is stressing me out in life. Without finishing the list, I got up to 73 reasons. Again, I don't know how I'm not dead. I think it's Chris keeping me alive and giving me a reason to keep trying. All my friends say we're disgustingly adorable but I just don't care, actually. I love him too much to really pay attention to people and what they say. So for the remaining four weeks of school I'm going to continue trying just because of him. =]
Monday, April 6, 2009
Spring Break
Let's just say this: srping break did not feel like one week. It felt more as if I had just spent the last month back home. That's how freakin' spectacular it was.
Breaks. What to say about them? From one perspective, yeah, it could be a highly useful block of time when you have absolutely nothing that you have to do, no where you need to go. It's the perfect time to get caught up on everything in life that you've been neglecting. Perfect, right? I think so.
What have I been neglecting? Me. I'm sorry, but it's true. I've been so bogged down with life recently that air is always a nice little refreshing afterthought that never comes. The calm before the storm? It's long past, and the storm has yet to be over. But along comes a delightful little break that I can spend at home. One week back in my hometown with the people I love and doing anything I want. It's amazing.
So what happened over my break? Snow, rain, doctor visits, movies, lap tag, ice skating, dancing, singing, driving, cuddling, freezing, burning, fighting, sleeping. Win.
I left for home a day early because the eastern side of the state was under a winter weather alert for the whole week leading up to the Friday I had been intending on heading home. Luckily for me, I got home before the storm hit and the interstates closed. Win.
Weekend was great. I saw Chris for ample amounts of time, introduced him to the magic of lap tag, and received my first boquet of flowers ever.
During the week, I visited doctors about my breating issues. Turns out I have a deviated septum in my nose which then lead to me getting a cyst in one of my sinuses so over the summer I get to spend a good amount of time doing surgery and recovery. Fun. Haha. Right. *spark of sarcasm*
I actually got sick on Thursday night but I think I'm better now (I hope so at least). Chris made me tea and helped me sleep though and that right there was huge win. HUGE!! There was ample time for cuddling and hugging and loving and movie watching too. Oh, there was dinner with my parents, dinner with his parents, and lots of family get-to-know-one-another time. Woo! But his family is really cool so more wins!!
Ice skating pursued on Saturday. Yay! I haven't been skating since August so super treat right there. Phenominal food was also provided. Yay! Plus, Chris's brother and my sister are getting along well and that makes me happy.
Sunday I took off back here at school, but it's okay, because break was awesome. I'm totally refreshed and pumped about school again (which was definitely needed; all enthusiasm died a few weeks ago) and so now I'm ready to take on the world plus Chris is so amazing I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. *sigh* Life is just so amazing.
Breaks. What to say about them? From one perspective, yeah, it could be a highly useful block of time when you have absolutely nothing that you have to do, no where you need to go. It's the perfect time to get caught up on everything in life that you've been neglecting. Perfect, right? I think so.
What have I been neglecting? Me. I'm sorry, but it's true. I've been so bogged down with life recently that air is always a nice little refreshing afterthought that never comes. The calm before the storm? It's long past, and the storm has yet to be over. But along comes a delightful little break that I can spend at home. One week back in my hometown with the people I love and doing anything I want. It's amazing.
So what happened over my break? Snow, rain, doctor visits, movies, lap tag, ice skating, dancing, singing, driving, cuddling, freezing, burning, fighting, sleeping. Win.
I left for home a day early because the eastern side of the state was under a winter weather alert for the whole week leading up to the Friday I had been intending on heading home. Luckily for me, I got home before the storm hit and the interstates closed. Win.
Weekend was great. I saw Chris for ample amounts of time, introduced him to the magic of lap tag, and received my first boquet of flowers ever.
During the week, I visited doctors about my breating issues. Turns out I have a deviated septum in my nose which then lead to me getting a cyst in one of my sinuses so over the summer I get to spend a good amount of time doing surgery and recovery. Fun. Haha. Right. *spark of sarcasm*
I actually got sick on Thursday night but I think I'm better now (I hope so at least). Chris made me tea and helped me sleep though and that right there was huge win. HUGE!! There was ample time for cuddling and hugging and loving and movie watching too. Oh, there was dinner with my parents, dinner with his parents, and lots of family get-to-know-one-another time. Woo! But his family is really cool so more wins!!
Ice skating pursued on Saturday. Yay! I haven't been skating since August so super treat right there. Phenominal food was also provided. Yay! Plus, Chris's brother and my sister are getting along well and that makes me happy.
Sunday I took off back here at school, but it's okay, because break was awesome. I'm totally refreshed and pumped about school again (which was definitely needed; all enthusiasm died a few weeks ago) and so now I'm ready to take on the world plus Chris is so amazing I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. *sigh* Life is just so amazing.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Relationships
I know, I'm talking about them again. But this time, it's not about mine.
So I'm growing up. Obviously. I'm eighteen. I'm in college. I have a lot of friends who are older than me. But something I'm not used to is the idea of marriage.
Individuals that I've met in college who are in their twenties, yes, I can understand the marriage factor. I've got plenty of those. It's not weird to me. I came back from break in January to learn that two of my Zeta sisters got engaged. Not that bad. But it's weird when the people I've known for a while are doing it.
I found out a couple days ago that one of my best friend's best friends got married last week. That was a shock. Crazy story to accompany that one but still. So now he's married. That was surprising.
On Saturday, one of my friends from high school that I've been friends with a minimum of four years got engaged. Holy Crap!!! Last time I checked, she was living in Paris far from here and no relationship whatsoever. Now she's engaged. I'm shocked.
But that's part of growing up, isn't it? First all the friends get into relationships (which was the weird thing I had to get used to last year and the year before). Now they're starting to get engaged. Eventually it'll be the marriages and then kids. Oi. We're getting old.
So I'm growing up. Obviously. I'm eighteen. I'm in college. I have a lot of friends who are older than me. But something I'm not used to is the idea of marriage.
Individuals that I've met in college who are in their twenties, yes, I can understand the marriage factor. I've got plenty of those. It's not weird to me. I came back from break in January to learn that two of my Zeta sisters got engaged. Not that bad. But it's weird when the people I've known for a while are doing it.
I found out a couple days ago that one of my best friend's best friends got married last week. That was a shock. Crazy story to accompany that one but still. So now he's married. That was surprising.
On Saturday, one of my friends from high school that I've been friends with a minimum of four years got engaged. Holy Crap!!! Last time I checked, she was living in Paris far from here and no relationship whatsoever. Now she's engaged. I'm shocked.
But that's part of growing up, isn't it? First all the friends get into relationships (which was the weird thing I had to get used to last year and the year before). Now they're starting to get engaged. Eventually it'll be the marriages and then kids. Oi. We're getting old.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
One Month
That's how long my epicness of happiness has been going on. AND it's all because of this amazing man who stepped into my life. Today is (in case you didn't figure it out) our one month. Yay! I'm so excited ^.^ Seriously, I feel as if I've been living merely a half-life up until now. It was like I was blind to the world until Chris came around and now I've been blinded. Who knows if I'll ever be able to see clearly again?
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Relationships
You know what really sucks about relationships? When you care about a friend and they're in a bad relationship and won't leave. That sucks. Then you try to tell them they should leave, but they don't want to listen to you because they're so madly in love with the person who keeps hurting them. (This isn't physical abuse, so don't worry). But it's horrible. And it sucks, because I want to be there for her and get her out of the verbally abusive relationship because it reminds me so much of my past relationship but I can't get her out of it any faster than anyone could have gotten me out of mine. And it SUCKS!!!!
Monday, March 9, 2009
Atoms
Have you ever just sat and tried to comprehend an atom? Sounds easy, right? Not so much.
I am a biology major. When dealing with the sciences, it is a requirement to have at least a basic knowledge of how atoms work. And really, if you spell out what atoms are in their most basic form, it's not hard to get.
For me, I understand the concepts behind atoms. it works out perfectly. Hands down, I get what's going on. But what completely boggles my mind is when I try to connect it to my world. I know that the air I breathe is full of atoms. i know that my computer, desk, walls, and floor are all composed of atoms. i know the trees, the water I drink, the animals outside, and even myself is all made of atoms. But what gets me are the reactions that happen all the time.
So take a moment to think about it. Know that the air that you are breathing right now is composed of atoms. Then comprehend that as it enters your lungs, it reacts to form other atoms that are then released from your body into the air. Look at the desk or table you are working at. It has millions of billions of atoms all bound together, continually moving. What really gets me is when i remember that the majority of what atoms are composed of is empty space. How weird is that?! And if you look at it that way, the majority of you and everything in this world is made up of empty space. That's when I chuckle at the thought of being solid.
I am a biology major. When dealing with the sciences, it is a requirement to have at least a basic knowledge of how atoms work. And really, if you spell out what atoms are in their most basic form, it's not hard to get.
For me, I understand the concepts behind atoms. it works out perfectly. Hands down, I get what's going on. But what completely boggles my mind is when I try to connect it to my world. I know that the air I breathe is full of atoms. i know that my computer, desk, walls, and floor are all composed of atoms. i know the trees, the water I drink, the animals outside, and even myself is all made of atoms. But what gets me are the reactions that happen all the time.
So take a moment to think about it. Know that the air that you are breathing right now is composed of atoms. Then comprehend that as it enters your lungs, it reacts to form other atoms that are then released from your body into the air. Look at the desk or table you are working at. It has millions of billions of atoms all bound together, continually moving. What really gets me is when i remember that the majority of what atoms are composed of is empty space. How weird is that?! And if you look at it that way, the majority of you and everything in this world is made up of empty space. That's when I chuckle at the thought of being solid.
Caravaning
This weekend I went on a caravan and let me review some simple rules that I've decided are important for driving in a large group:
1. Always stop at red lights.
2. Construction zones mean drive slowly.
3. If I'm having to drive 100 mph to catch up to you, you're driving too fast.
4. Use cruise control; it's your best friend.
5. Don't tailgate the people you're following. If something happens to whoever is in front, all of you will be screwed.
6. Speed limits are not suggestions, so follow them.
7. When you are approaching a light, make sure there's enough time not only for yourself to go through but for the rest of the cars to go through.
8. When turning at an intersection, don't turn unless the other five cars behind you have time to turn, too.
9. Don't stop in the middle of the highway.
10. If the group gets split up, be very clear about how you're going to find each other again.
1. Always stop at red lights.
2. Construction zones mean drive slowly.
3. If I'm having to drive 100 mph to catch up to you, you're driving too fast.
4. Use cruise control; it's your best friend.
5. Don't tailgate the people you're following. If something happens to whoever is in front, all of you will be screwed.
6. Speed limits are not suggestions, so follow them.
7. When you are approaching a light, make sure there's enough time not only for yourself to go through but for the rest of the cars to go through.
8. When turning at an intersection, don't turn unless the other five cars behind you have time to turn, too.
9. Don't stop in the middle of the highway.
10. If the group gets split up, be very clear about how you're going to find each other again.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Random Thought
Alright, so today I was riding in the car on the way to Clovis with my roommate and her mom and a thought occurred to me. I started thinking about adults. Me, I'm a young adult rapidly approaching my life and I'm starting to think about these things more. I noticed that I'm thinking "more like an adult". Weird, aye? But then I started to wonder.
First thought: What is it that makes the majority of adults follow the same basic lines for behavior? Is it a societal thing? Maybe pressures of working, raising a family, focus on the economy, having to make ends meet, maybe all of that combined is what makes adults the way they are. But then I remembered that most adults were not that different from myself and my peers when they were are age. So:
Second thought: What if when my peers and I grow into adults we act like adults of today? That put me on a little back track. So I really got to thinking on this.
If adults were like myself and my peers when they were our age, what is it that made them change? If I could figure it out, maybe I could find a way to prevent it. I mean, I feel as if it's a bit of a loss to "act like an adult" in the general sense of the phrase. It's like all these adults have lost a very significant part of themselves in their transition from childhood to adulthood. I think that's tragic. People have so much energy and vitality and just a joy to live (for the most part) when they're younger, yet by the time they hit 30 and start having kids and a family and a job it's like all of that gets sucked out of them and they become something that even they themselves don't recognize. How sad is that?
And then it made me wonder, what if my peers and myself become like that? What if we loose the joy and vitality that we have? Thinking of myself, my friends, people I interact with losing what makes them who they are is one of the saddest thoughts I've had in a while. I thought of all the people I care about and what about them that makes me appreciate them so much, and I thought of them losing that to the pressures of adulthood. It was so depressing!
So now I find myself utterly determined to keep what makes me who I am alive until I die. I refuse to let my fun-loving, free spirit be trapped by the trials of the society I live in. I want my children to know that I love life and that adults are still kids at heart. I am determined to keep me who I am no matter what life throws at me.
First thought: What is it that makes the majority of adults follow the same basic lines for behavior? Is it a societal thing? Maybe pressures of working, raising a family, focus on the economy, having to make ends meet, maybe all of that combined is what makes adults the way they are. But then I remembered that most adults were not that different from myself and my peers when they were are age. So:
Second thought: What if when my peers and I grow into adults we act like adults of today? That put me on a little back track. So I really got to thinking on this.
If adults were like myself and my peers when they were our age, what is it that made them change? If I could figure it out, maybe I could find a way to prevent it. I mean, I feel as if it's a bit of a loss to "act like an adult" in the general sense of the phrase. It's like all these adults have lost a very significant part of themselves in their transition from childhood to adulthood. I think that's tragic. People have so much energy and vitality and just a joy to live (for the most part) when they're younger, yet by the time they hit 30 and start having kids and a family and a job it's like all of that gets sucked out of them and they become something that even they themselves don't recognize. How sad is that?
And then it made me wonder, what if my peers and myself become like that? What if we loose the joy and vitality that we have? Thinking of myself, my friends, people I interact with losing what makes them who they are is one of the saddest thoughts I've had in a while. I thought of all the people I care about and what about them that makes me appreciate them so much, and I thought of them losing that to the pressures of adulthood. It was so depressing!
So now I find myself utterly determined to keep what makes me who I am alive until I die. I refuse to let my fun-loving, free spirit be trapped by the trials of the society I live in. I want my children to know that I love life and that adults are still kids at heart. I am determined to keep me who I am no matter what life throws at me.
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