Wedding

So, for those of you who read this who haven't seen or heard elsewhere, I am getting married. Technically, Chris and I got engaged in March, and it has been one of the most difficult things keeping it a secret until now. Still, it was worth it.

You know, I never really thought about weddings much until I actually got engaged. Sure, I've thought about it in passing because Stahelin and I, as well as Sam and I, have talked about getting married. I was sort of engaged (to us we were, officially we weren't) but because it was such a thing as only between us, I didn't take it too seriously. Is it bad that it's hard for me to trust a guy who says he wants to spend his life with me until he actually commits with something like a ring? It makes me feel selfish, or cruel, like I use them or lie to them emotionally until they "prove" themselves. But what else can I do? I've already been with two guys who swore on everything they had that I meant the world to them. I gave them everything, and trusted them fully, only to have them turn their backs on me in the end. I was ready to give them my life, and yet it was they who left me. So does it make me a bad person to have a harder time to believe the third who says the same?

Still, he really is serious, and I'm glad. Chris is amazing. He means the world to me. I don't think I could have found a better guy. He makes me so happy in so many ways, and I feel I can truly be myself with him. I don't feel like he judges me for who I am. And he wants me to say what I feel, what I think, rather than judging me for it and pushing me to keep myself locked inside. I'm happy, and I'm getting married =]

For those of you who know me, be ready for 2012. Send me an email if you want more information and desire to attend; I'd love to have you there!