Wednesday, July 30, 2008


Well, I am leaving for school in about a week and a half. I'm actually starting to freak out a little bit. I'm going to school four hours away from home. I've been far from home multiple times. Hell, I went to Australia and New Zealand for three weeks when I was 15 without the accompaniment of my parents. I've been to nationals three times for dance (twice in Vegas, once in Orlando). I've been to dance and church camp for about a week each (dance three times, church twice). All of this started after my sixth grade year. So yes, I am used to being away from home, but this is the first time where it's more of a permanence. My parents are just a phone call away, but I'm about to turn 18 and I'm living else-where. I don't have coaches or leaders or advisers following me everywhere monitoring my time 24/7 this time. It's all me. I have to be an adult. And I am scared shitless.

Friday, July 25, 2008


Have you ever taken a look around you and realized just how difficult relationships are? I'm not even talking about a relationship in the "love" sort of way where a person has a partner that they care for inexplicably; no, I'm talking about your day to day relationships. Everyone has them whether they want to or not. Relationships are everywhere, with your boss, your coworkers, your classmates, your neighbors, your friends, your family, and yes, lovers, too. It's in all these relationships that I'm talking about. They're just so difficult!!

Relationship Number One: Family

Face it, it's difficult. We all know that. It starts from the time that we are conceived. Really, there's nothing more basic then our relationship with family. Family is difficult. Why? You can't get rid of them (technically you can but please don't fight me on this one). Family is always there. You are related by blood, so you can't sever yourself from them.

Parents are an excellent example. Dealing with them is trying, to say the least. Trust me, I know. I've spent seventeen years of life living in their house with them. I see them almost every day. Usually we get along great, but as with everyone, there are times where we are quite hostile towards one another. The thing with parents is that you have to find a balance in the middle in order to deal with them. You have to give and they have to give. But then again, isn't that true in any relationship? We all have to give if we want the relationship to remain healthy.

Extended family can be a pain in the ass. Let's face it, we've probably all got at least one relative that we think of in a negative light. We try not to be with them too much and when we are, it's never a pleasant experience. Usually we don't want that relative to know what we really think, though, so we pretend as if we all love each other. Oi. (Honesty would be nice but then again, we sort of don't want to hurt other's feelings so we spare them the truth they don't need to know. We disgust me, but I know I'm the same so I can't go on for too long on that.)

Let's face it: family is the one relationship web that will always exist. Sure, it changes, some people leave, some people join, but most everyone stays put. Even if we try to ignore our family, the family still knows we exist and we still know that the family exists. If you saw another family member randomly one day there's still the relationship between you. Granted, I never said anything about it being positive, but it doesn't change the fact that it still exists. Family is the one relationship you can't erase. I'd say this makes a pretty difficult relationship to maintain, wouldn't you agree?

Relationship Number Two: Friends


Yes, friendship.

So freakin' difficult it's disgusting. Why? Well, we aren't born with friends. We have to make them. You meet people, you interact with them, and if you like them, you usually try to stay around them. This is how friendship begins. Still, it's not as easy as that. We all understand the difficulty of making friends. Only thing is, making friends is the easy part. I know, it's not easy, but when you compare it to the next thing, it really is.

What's harder than making friends? Keeping them. Yup. Keeping your friends is harder than making them. Believe me, that's the truth. Why is it harder? Simple. If you don't keep up with the relationship, keep giving to it, you lose it. Sucks, I know, but that's the cold, hard, vicious, brutal truth of the matter. Let's say you have a best friend that you ignore for two months. When you see them again, it's not going to be the same. That friend may be resentful, or hurt. You probably lost that friend.

What's so obnoxious, though, is that friends are the people that we take advantage of the most. We always assume that are friends are still going to be our friends the next day. We always assume that we don't need to worry about our friends because hell, they're our friend. They wouldn't just leave us. At least, that's what we assume.

But remember when you're on the other side. You're the friend who's being forgotten. It sucks, right? Trust me, I know. If you haven't been there, try to picture it. Not the greatest, and when the friend comes running back to you it only pisses you off. So yeah, friendships are difficult. But they aren't the hardest.

Relationship Number Three: Significant Others

We all understand this one; it doesn't need explaining on the difficulties. So we will go with my issues right now. I really like this guy. I mean really like this guy. He's been my friend for the past four years and he's pretty awesome. He makes me laugh, makes me feel better when I'm down, and he's always interesting to talk to. Problem: He's staying in Albuquerque and I am moving to Portales in two weeks, meaning that we can't be together. It sucks because I feel like he's leading me on and that he likes me back but we can't do crap about it because I'm moving. It sucks. I have no idea what to do. I've only had two boyfriends in my life, and so I have limited experience in this field. If you have any ideas or any knowledge in this region that you want to share, go for it. I'm dying to know =]

Monday, July 21, 2008

10 Things I Learned While Away

1. You know you've hit an all-time low when you find yourself peeing next to a plant that between the back of a gas station and an air conditioner that's in the middle of nowhere in Texas.

2. Texas drivers are worse than New Mexicans.

3. Something strange is happening when you find a field with about 12 camels in it in the middle of Texas.

4. When driving through bug-infested locations, the bugs not only smash against the windshield, they also get stuck in the windshield whippers.

5. "Rush Hour" traffic in Albuquerque is nothing.

6. People in Louisiana can't drive.

7. Don't pick a fight with the ocean, you'll always lose.

8. Being on the beach between 11 and 2 is a bad idea, you fry.

9. Re-doing sunscreen is a smart plan.

10. The ocean floor is like cement; when a wave pummels your face into the ground the way a bully does, your face still looks the same.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

I'm Home!!

I have some stuff that I can blog about, however right now I am totally beat. I don't know how long I can stay awake. I've been sort-of running for the last 36 hours, so I'm feeling a bit out of it. Hopefully I'll post something tomorrow. Keep looking. =]

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Just a Reminder

I'm leaving for Florida this afternoon and I will be gone for at least ten days. That means no new posts because I'm not going to have access to a computer. I'll be thinking up topics to post and everything for when I get back, but just know that this is my last post before I leave. Don't worry, I will put up pictures (at least a few) and tell you how the trip went when I get back. In the meantime, read up and comment back. I love feedback. Also, if you have an idea for what to talk about, send it to me at I'd love to hear from you!!

See you in ten days!!



Last night I was thinking of silence. Yeah, we all know it. Most of us hate it. I, personally, love it. Usually.

I know people don't like it, but my main question is why? Why is it that we hate silence? I mean honestly, are we all that addicted to noise? Here's my theory on it. We, as people, are social animals. When it is silent, it is usually because no one is around. That leads me to think that maybe we all hate silence because it is like a slap in the face that's saying, "Hey! Guess what! You're all alone with no one to talk to, and maybe no one likes you. That's why it's so quiet!!!" Yeah, I know. Silly, but still. It makes sense. If you hate to be alone then silence is a constant reminder of that fact. Logically, you wouldn't like something that made you remember the fact that you are alone. Especially for those who got out of really long relationships. Trust me, I know. I've been there. I was with my first boyfriend for two years and when we broke up it was one of the hardest things being reminded that I was alone. So, I'd say that this theory is viable.

Then I guess is the silence that happens when you're with people. What I don't get is this. Why is it always "awkward"? Honestly, if you're with any person or group of people and suddenly there's a lull in the conversation, why do people always say "awkward silence"? It's only awkward if you were talking about some sort of sexual theme or uncomfortable topic or something and someone just made a statement that no one could comment to. Most silence that occurs when interacting with people is just that, silence. Silence is a cease of all noise. Yes, you can hear silence. No, silence is not something to be feared, something bad, or something to be uncomfortable with.

I personally love silence. At least, most of the time. What started this whole blog in the first place is that last night I was craving silence. It doesn't happen for me all the time, but when I want it, there's nothing better. For me, silence is sort of comforting. When people say that you can feel the silence pressing in on you, I actually like that feeling. It gives me a sense of comfort. At this moment in time, I can't tell you exactly every reason I have for loving silence or why it is that I crave it sometimes. What I can tell you is that it happens and I'm still searching for an answer. My question to you now stands: why do you feel uncomfortable in silence? What is it about the silence that you have a problem with? Think about it.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

College Excitement

Over the weekend I got some most welcome news (yeah, I know, I'm telling you about it a few days late but I just now thought about talking about it). On Saturday night I finally got my dorm assignment and I found out who my roommate is. I know I turned in my application for a dorm room really late, but it took them only a week to get me my schedule yet a month for a dorm. Oh well. I can't really complain. At least I have a place to live this upcoming year. That's one less thing I need to worry about. I really was freaking out about what I was going to do about living next year. I was concerned that maybe I had turned in my application too late and so I wouldn't get a room or something. Silly notion, I know, but it was still there. Well, now all my qualms have been eased and I feel much better. All that's left to do is sell posters for dance team, fill out the NCAA packet, and get everything I need packed and ready to go.


Just so you all know, I won't be writing for about a week and a half. Reason: I'm going to Florida!!!

Unexpected, to be sure, but welcomed nonetheless. Originally my cousin and I were trying to plan a trip out to Washington but we decided that going this year was not in our best interest, but her family is going out to Florida and they invited me to come along. We are leaving on Thursday, so I might be able to get a post in earlier in the day (assuming that I'm at home doing nothing thus giving me the time and motivation to type something) but after that it will be at least a week before I post again. Still, it could almost be two weeks, it just depends on when we get back. We're driving there and back so it all depends on our driving abilities, road conditions, weather, and traffic.

I'm supper excited; I love road trips and driving from New Mexico to Florida certainly fulfills my need. I get to help drive (=D I'm so excited; I love driving) and we get to head out later in the day! We're staying at a time share there that's right next to the beach, so I get to frolic in the ocean all day every day for a week. I am pumped!! I used to make this trip when I was younger, but the only one I can vaguely remember is when I was five. My parents didn't like going so I couldn't go until a couple years ago (which was a blast) and now I get to go again this year. I am excited!!!

My apologies that I won't be writing, but I will be thinking of you and sending love. I'll take some pictures, too. =]

Monday, July 7, 2008

New Experience

Today for the first time ever I got on the roof of a house. Okay, not just any house, it was actually my house, so no worries there. I got to admit, it was really nice. Why? Well, let's put it this way, it was a mind opener.

While I was on the roof, the sun was slowly going down meaning that it was cooling off outside, there was a really nice breeze, and over-all just being outside left me in this serene state of mind. The breeze just helped to clear my head and really helped with a creative burst. I was with my sister and we got to talking about life and such and it was nice. I feel very peaceful right now. Generally speaking, I freak out about getting some place high, but once I'm there I love it. If you are similar or you have no idea, give it a try. It's really nice.

Life Update

Okay, so I've been failing a little bit on writing every day. Why? Because I was busy living. I know, novel concept. So what have I been up to?

July 4, 2008

Here's what happened. In the afternoon I picked up a couple of my friends (Savina and Jasmine) to go over to another friend's house (Sarah) so that we could get the day started. We got over to Sarah's house and then we started getting ready for another one of our friend's (Doug) Fourth of July party to be held at his house (within easy walking distance of Sarah's, thus we met there). We went in search of party decorations and food to contribute to Doug's and after gathering all that we needed, we headed over early to help set up. Well, an hour later people started to arrive. People from around the neighborhood as well as Doug's friends all showed up to celebrate our nation's independence. Sarah was getting sick so it was fun to watch her get a bit loopy on the medicine she was taking. We all just sat around, talked, and ate good food (made courtesy of neighborhood friends as well as the grill workage of Doug and Abe) while we waited for the darkness. Yes we, like many others in the city of Albuquerque, had a multitude of fireworks to be our evening's entertainment. So, once it was dark, the fun began. Let me just say that by the time the night was coming to a close, we had set off over $300 worth of fireworks or more with about another $300 worth left (we had to cut our celebrations short because some people in the neighborhood really did want to get some sleep that night). More friends had shown up while we were launching fireworks and overall we had a really good time. Most everyone was gone by midnight and I decided for the benefit of Savina and Sarah that we take off too. That night, the three of us had a sleep-over of much enjoyment and in the morning pancakes and tea served us well.

July 5, 2008

After sleeping in and whatnot as well as chillaxing at Sarah's, I headed home to do a little bit of cleaning, but mostly read this phenomenal book that I had bought the day before :The Host, by Stephenie Meyer. I didn't finish it, but I did greatly enjoy the chapters that I got to read. Later in the day I got to head over to my friend Jarrod's house and hang out there with an accumulation of people. There was running through the rain (I was also doing a rain dance in my head), drinking lots of soda, making mac n' cheese and cupcakes, and the brilliant film viewage of The Chronicles of Riddick. Great times. There was even a little bit of fireworks at the end.

July 6, 2008

There was church, and there was reading. Yeah, I finished The Host. It was FANTASTIC. So good. Go read it. If you are yet unenlightened about the brilliant mind of Stephenie Meyer, go educate yourself. I don't care how old you are, where you live, what gender you are, anything about you, all I know is that she is great and everyone I know who's read her work is equally impressed. So go read. Now.

Also, my mom has been in Europe for the past three weeks and she came home today. Good stuff. The relationship with my sister and I towards my dad was becoming...strained. Let's just say we're all glad that mom is home now.


Well, this brings me to the present. I'm writing now mainly because I've been itching to "talk" to someone, even if it is only posting in a blog. This isn't all I wanted to post, and it probably won't be the limit for the day, but I thought we should clear up why it is that I haven't been posting in the past few days. So there you have it. =]

Sunday, July 6, 2008


My Introduction to Death and Destruction

For those of you lucky enough to not get migraines, feel blessed.

So right now I feel like bitching about migraines in a blog, mainly because I have one right now and it feels like the stomach flu and I'm ready to rip out my entire digestive system.

How Can You Tell I'm Getting a Migraine?

Alright, so I know that migraines can be different for each and every person, but this is about me. So that all of you know, I get migraines. How can you tell when I have a migraine?

1. I look like crap and like I'm about to fall asleep

2. I tell you I'm nauseous.

3. I have a hard time functioning on a most basic level

4. I am easily aggitated.

5. I am highly sensitive to light and sound

Causes of My Migraines

Okay, so they don't always happen at the same time, but usually they do. Now, I don't know about other people, but let me tell you what gives me migraines.

1. Not enough sleep.

2. Not enough food.

3. Working too long.

4. Not taking enough time for me to do what I need to do in order for basic survival and human function.

5. Sleeping on the right side of my body.


Okay, so if I get these migraines all the time then you would think that I would have developed a means of getting rid of them. Alright, so I do to some extent, but there's only so much I can do.

1. Take a pill (Ibuprofen, Aspirin, Tylenol, etc (damn I can't spell med names))

Alright, here's the problem with this one. Unless I take a pill right after the very first sign of a headache, and I take about 5 pills in one go, it doesn't work. I hate taking pills and I feel that my body will be stronger if I don't rely on them. Because this only works if I take it when the headache is small, I'd be taking pills all the time. Also, I have to take 5 pills at one time, and to do that for every headache would just be stupid. So, I rarely use this.

2. Go to sleep.

If I can tell that this headache is starting to develop into a migraine, I try to go to sleep if at all possible. The problem is that I usually don't have the freedom to go to sleep around the time that I would need to in order to effectively put an end to the growing migraine. Usually I'm out doing stuff (dancing, school, hanging out with friends, etc). Going to sleep is always great, it helps the migraine go away. After I go to sleep I wake up feeling instantly better. The only thing is, after a certain point, it doesn't matter how much I need to go to sleep, other stuff needs to happen before I can.
Another problem is if the migraine was caused from sleep. If I sleep on the right side of my body, it drains my system of food. My stomach needs food in it at night and without it, I get sick. That's what this migraine is from, sleeping on the wrong side of my body. Now I have puked three times and it's three in the morning. If I was sleeping, I wake up in the middle of the night and I have to throw up before I can go back to sleep but I still have to eat something before I do (see below for predicament toward eating).

3. Eat something.

Seeing as how this is one of the key factors to me getting a migraine, it would make sense that it would also be a way to help get rid of one. However the thing with eating is that it only helps with the nausea. If I am getting a migraine due to lack of food, it works. Still, I'm not usually lucky enough for this. My migraines are usually a cause of lack of food AND sleep. If I'm really tired, I have to consume ridiculous amounts of food to keep going, and usually it's best to just go to sleep. So eating something is not really that effective in helping with a migraine.

4. Tough it out.

I'm not usually lucky enough to get it to stop soon enough. What happens? As much as I would love to go to sleep or eat something or both, I can't. Why? Because after a certain point, my body pretty much goes into survival mode. I get painfully nauseous and over-tired and there's nothing I can do about it. I have a painful headache, I feel like death itself, and I would just love to put an end to it somehow just to end the misery.
When I have to tough it out, I usually have a killer headache, am really tired (usually the cause of the headache), feel like I'm starving, and yet I feel like all my guts are about to come gushing out of my mouth because I feel so sick (thus all the signs from above).
What ends of being the case if I'm "toughing it out" is that I have to throw up or else I can't function.

5. Make myself throw up.

This is a last resort, yet, it's been increasing in the frequency I've needed to use it. I swear, I'm going to have some serious issues latter on in life with my trachea if this keeps up. Right now I've puked three times in the past hour from this f-ing migraine and I can't get the burn out of my that. Oi. It doesn't help that some vomit got stuck in my nose so now that burns, too, and smells disgusting.
Anyway, back to throwing up. So usually, after this, I feel relieved and I can go to sleep and in the morning I feel so much better.
Problem with this? It's like bulimia, because I have to make myself throw up. It wouldn't be a problem except that I've been getting migraines more and more often where this is what it comes to. Also, on rare occasions I get times like tonight where I throw up multiple times. It sucks, because in these times, making yourself puke up everything doesn't work once, it has to happen three+ times to have any effect.
Another bad side effect: if the cause of the migraine was based around a lack of food, think of how throwing up affects your stomach? Yeah, it empties it of everything. If I needed food, I needed to hang on to everything in there. Now my stomach has even less food than before, but hey, at least I'm feeling better.

The After-Effect

Okay, so let's say that it gets to the end, where I puke. What next? Well, here's how it goes. Now begins a careful balancing act. When you puke, you know that if you eat or drink anything, you will again. Same thing for me. Now if my migraine is focused around hunger and a lack of food, throwing up can start it all over again if I don't get food into my system A.S.A.P. So what do you do? You balance eating with not eating. Right after I throw up, there's a period of time where if I eat, I will throw up again, however if I don't eat, I will have to throw up again later because the entire migraine problem will have started all over. Also, if I need sleep (which usually happens along with hunger) it becomes a question of:

1. When do you eat?

2. How much do you eat?

3. What do you eat?

4. Do you drink anything?

5. How fast do you eat?

6. How soon after eating can you go to sleep and be okay when you wake up?

The biggest issues with migraines is that if you don't deal with it soon enough the end solution (sleep) will only make it work if you try it too early. So now you juggle the fact that you're sick, hungry, and tired and try to make it so that you don't die in the process. I swear, it's an art form keeping myself alive. It's horrible. And if you fuck it up in the process you get to start all over and spend another few hours doing it all over. It sucks.


Alright, well, my apologies for my rant. If this thoroughly disgusted you, I'm sorry. Thanks for reading, though. Seeing as how I get migraines a lot, maybe this will help you get what I go through and why it sucks so much and how, despite how shitty I look on the outside, I always feel about a hundred times worse on the inside. Despite how short this sounded (lol, I don't know if it sounded short or not), the truth is, migraines can start for me mid-afternoon and by the time I'm able to go to sleep it's about 8 or 9 hours after I needed to. I have even had a migraine that started at about 4 in the afternoon and I wasn't able to throw up and go to sleep until about 6 the next morning. Migraines suck really bad, and if you don't get them, feel blessed.

Thursday, July 3, 2008


So it's summer break. I don't have a job, I'm lazy, and I haven't been motivated enough to put together a gathering with my friends (despite my bordom). So what did I decide to do? Clean my room. Yes, I am a fairly messy teen. I can't help it. Still, if truth be told, I actually like things clean (despite the clutter that seems to follow me everywhere).

Today I gathered all the clothes off my floor, put the dirty ones in the hamper, put the clean ones where they're supposed to be, cleaned off my futon, and made my bed. Shockingly enough, that was most of the grime found in my room. While cleaning, however, I was going through a lot of paper material (that's what was all over the futon) and it made me kind of think about life.

I collect just about everything. Why? Because I have a hard time throwing stuff away. Most of my paper clutter goes back years. Luckily today it's only gone back a couple of months but it really made me remember. A lot of my paper had poems on it that I've written over time.

(Something you should know about me and my poems is that the poems reflect my general outlook on life. If a lot of them are centered around myself and are depressing, I'm depressed. If they are on random, cheerful topics, I'm feeling pretty good about life. If they're on some serious subject but the I isn't referring to myself (like when I write a poem from a rapist or an alcoholic's point of view, which, by the way, I have done) then it usually means that I'm just feeling curious about life and what it's like for people other than myself. So when I see poems that I've written in the past, it reminds me a lot about events that were taking place in my life, how I was feeling towards them, and all the memories that are associated with that poem. I see my poems and it brings back wave after wave of memory and emotion. Sometimes I can't re-read poems I wrote a year or two ago because the memories and emotions are too strong and too painful.)

So I'm looking through the poems and going through and I realize just how much junk I have. I look at all the stuff I've accumulated over time and realize just how pointless this stuff is. If I only held onto the stuff that was most essential to my existence, then I probably wouldn't have much. Alas, I am a pack rat, so that's not so easy for me to do. Then it made me realize how so many other people have similar issues. We all have to go through our crap in our rooms (or homes if you have them) and occasionally clean out all the unnecessary gunk clogging up our space. And it was with that thought that I realized that we all have to do the same with our lives.

We all like the comforts of routine to our life. A routine gives it stability. The routine makes us feel safe and comfortable in our environment and in our lives because it is the routine that gives us something familiar. A break from that routine leaves us shaken or scared. Something that forces us out of that routine leaves us feeling blind and naked in the middle of the busiest place in the world. But how can we ever really live and enjoy life if we can't break from the routine? Every now and then life forces us to move, to break, to change, whether or not we actually want it or accept it. But what if we cleaned our lives like we clean our living spaces? If we did that, maybe the abrupt changes wouldn't be so abrupt. If we take a look at our lives every once and a while and just cleaned up everything that was unnecessary or holding us back, imagine how much we could do, how far we could go, how much we could achieve! The possibilities are endless.

So this was my thought that I chose to share with you, my readers. Life, our lives specifically, is something that we should keep in touch with. Why do we all let our lives drive us rather than being the directors ourselves? If we keep in touch with our lives, keep in touch with reality, "clean out the clutter", imagine the possibilities. It's your life, be the engineer and steer it in the direction you want it to go.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

New Discoveries

I'm a fairly open person. At least, I like to think of myself as such. This being said, I always like to discover new things. That leads me to my new discoveries.

Discovery number 1:

I watched the movie I Know Who Killed Me and I actually liked it. I thought the ending could have been a bit better, but still, it was a good movie. What I wasn't prepared for was the graphic violence. For that, I put it into the same category as Silence of the Lambs. I freaked out while watching this movie mainly because I wasn't mentally prepared for it. I just wanted to have some forewarning that it was going to end up that way. Well, if you haven't seen it and are planning to, you have been forewarned.

Discover number 2:

My second discovery was the movie Pulse. I jumped a lot at it. I wasn't really scared, but again, it made me jump. I liked the story line. The end was a bit random but not too bad. The movie itself (after watching it) reminded me a lot of the storyline for Stephen King's novel, Cell. Different stories, but a bit similar in idea. It was good stuff, very entertaining. I was on the edge of my seat till the end.

Discovery number 3:

Today I discovered this awesome industrial band from Russia, Noise Angels Machine. Holy cow, these guys are good! Go check out their Myspace page at It's really awesome. Go listen =]


Well, that about covers it for discoveries, at least, for now. As I discover more books, music, or movies, I will be sure to post it. Anyway, that's about all there is in life right now. There's no serious debates or thoughts. Actually, I've been on the verge of a migraine all day so I've been a bit zombie-like. It's severely agitating. Such a waste of a perfectly good day. Oi. Anyhowzers, have a good day =]

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Leaving for College

So I just had a huge shock yesterday. I realized that I leave for college in about six weeks. SIX WEEKS!!! I thought I had more time than that...
Here's why I'm freaking out:

1) I have to pack.

2) I know they have a list of what to pack...but I still don't know what all I should pack or when I should start.

3) I don't know how big my room is or what kind of furniture I'll have so I don't know how much I should bring.

4) I don't have a dorm assignment yet...I hope they get that to me soon.

5) I'm moving in a week before everyone else because of dance.

6) The day I move in is my sister's first day of school.

7) I'm not ready to move yet!

Six weeks is almost no time at all. I'm so painfully excited to be going to school, but I'm so nervous at the same time. I want to go, I totally do, but I'm scared to be on my own. I know no one at this school (except for the people that I sort of met on the spirit squad at tryouts about three months ago). It's small, but I'm a nervous wreck. I'm so excited that I could run around the world and back, but the nerves at how close this is are starting to get to me.

I get to study in the greatest field EVER. Forensic Biology. How many schools actually have a degree program in forensics? 20? It's not that many. I get to learn more about this kick ass subject. I get to leave home. I get the freedom to do what I want. I'll turn 18 while I'm there. I'm going to meet new people. I'm on dance team. I am going to have a blast. All of this is why I can't wait to go.

I'm nervous as hell. I'm going to be living alone. I don't have anyone there to sit there and parent me because *news flash* I'm going to be an adult. I'm going to a school full of adults with a bunch of hormonal people who are all excited about being away from home for the first time and take a look at their brand new freedom!! Not excited about that. Still, I'm going to a small school, so maybe it won't be as bad. Really, how much trouble can you get in to in Portales, New Mexico? My assumption is not too much. I mean honestly, what is there to do? Cow tipping? lol. Still, I'm nervous about being on my own and not knowing anyone. And the fact that it's so soon.

I guess right now I need to really focus on what I want to do with my last six weeks of life in Albuquerque. Oh boy.