Zeta. Life. School. Break.

Well, I made it through the semester. For about the last month I wasn't sure if I was going to actually make it. Things got rough. And Zeta drove me insane. I never thought I'd hit a point where I wanted to quit. Almost did. At this point, I'm going to go alum after I get married. It's a semester early, but it's okay. I didn't get an office and I disagree with the chapter and where it's going, so I don't want to be a part of it any longer than I have to. What I am keeping in mind is the principles of Zeta. I love Zeta for what it stands for, what it teaches, and the ideals every Zeta should live by. It is for these reasons I stick by it, not the people I have to stick by in this chapter. Now don't get me wrong, I love them, but I don't think they make good leaders. There are better people who could be in those positions but whatever. The politics aren't going to ruin my life. They're everywhere and unavoidable in life so just learning to deal and survive is good.
School is over. For the semester at least. Two left. And I'm on break. So yeah. Freedom. We'll see how the next few weeks go.

Survival

That's what I'm working on right now. I think it'll be better after today when I've finished this damn test that's attempting to be the bane of my existence, but whatever. I'm praying I don't have work tomorrow. Then I'd have my weekend to get my life back together. It'd be like hitting a reset button in my head! Woo! If only...

My issue lately is that I'm WAY hormonal. I have no idea why, either. I've been taking my meds regularly, so who knows. I really need to see a shrink though. If I could talk to them then maybe they could get me correctly medicated for the depression side AND help with the stupid manic shit too. That would be awesome. All I want is to be stable. Why is that too much to ask for? Oi.

So, chilling at work. I found coffee, a coffee pot, filters, creamer, sugar, cups, and spoons. I'm stoked. I'm going to make coffee in a bit, for one because I'm freezing but primarily because I need to study for the test of doom I have today. I swear, it's evil. Multiple choice, fill in the blank, true/false where you have to correct false statements into true statements, and short answer. And all on vertebrate zoology. Fuck.

Mmm, the sound of coffee brewing makes me feel awesome. Yay ^.^ Found my happy place for the morning. Maybe today won't be so bad after all =]

Grad School?

Currently that's the issue I'm mulling over in my head. Do I want to go to grad school and get a master's in Forensics or do I want to go to law school. Luckily, there are a couple of schools where you can actually do both. Still, you have to be accepted into each program individually. Uhg. I've been looking at numerous grad schools, and after I get through those I'm probably going to start checking out law schools. Oi. If only I knew what to do with my life.

I'm finally done with recruitment and finally unsilenced. I can reassociate with Zeta, however it sucks because I work nights. This means that even though I can hang out with them and wear shirts and whatever else, I still can't really go to anything because I'm always working. FML. I guess that's what happens in the big kid world, you lose time to do fun things as you work your butt off to make ends meet. Sometimes I wish I wasn't growing up. Plus, no matter where I go for school in 2012, I'm going to be moving to a place I don't know (more likely than not) and being far from everyone and everything I know. Alright, the only schools in Forensics are basically on the coasts, and mostly in the northeast. If I moved there I'd be close to family I've never really known well, and if I moved to California I'd be really close to family I rarely see. If I go to Florida, well, there's no one there. Nore is there anyone in Michigan or Illinois. *Sigh* Life is hard.

The good thing is the stability and happiness that Chris gives me. Whenever I start to lose hope or get really down he's always there to pick me back up and remind me that I'm okay. No matter what I freak out about, from Zeta to being a hypochondriac (and all that comes with that) to school, to family, to life, he's always there to keep me sane. He loves me and supports me in all I do, and he's there for me. Always. I fucking love this guy.

Well, life is kicking my ass. I'm a student who's taking overtime in hours (full time max is 18, I'm doing 20), I'm working two jobs, I'm in many extracurricular activities, and I still manage to maintain a 3.3 GPA and a social life. I think I'm superwoman.

School Year '10-'11

Oi. Yup, it's started. Huzzah!! I've figured out that I only have three semesters left until I graduate with a double major. Sweet! Also, haven't yet decided what it is I'm going to do after school. A part of me wants to be a lawyer, and yet part of me thinks that's a bad idea. I don't know. Luckily, after I graduate I'm taking a semester off so hopefully I can figure out at least a few more steps of what I'm going to do after school. Oi.

As of now I am planning recruitment for all Women's Greek Organizations on campus. Woo! Also, planning a wedding, working, and going to school full time. Jeez mon'! Luckily I have amazing friends, like Lish, who are there all along the way. And what would I do without Chris? He really is my rock. He's the resounding figure that's pushing me to get through school, to not give up when things get tough, and my shoulder to cry on when it feels like everything is falling apart. And that's part of why I'm marrying him.

I really need to clean my house, though. It's stressing me out because it's so dirty, and the cats are throwing a fit that we haven't cleaned the litter box in a while. Ew. I'm still debating on whether or not to clean after I post this. I've been feeling sick all day, but honestly, maybe it's in part due to the state of my house right now. Gah, if only I had a washer and drier. I was so close, too! Well, we'll see what happens. Maybe I'll wash a few dishes then go to sleep. I've done some homework today, so I'm feeling pretty decent. Worked tonight, did well, missed a class because I almost passed out and threw up everywhere, but overall I'm feeling okay at this point. Just tired. So maybe all I'll do is some dishes. And maybe the litter box. Or I'll have Chris do it when he gets home.

So Close!!!

Summer school ends this week. I've finished two of four classes. I'm so ready to be done. Oi. Just waiting for the week to end. Huzzah! After this week I can spend all of my energy on two things: Cleaning my house and planning recruitment. Dude, I couldn't even sleep last night because of how much I was thinking of/planning recruitment. Oi. Eat, sleep, and breathe it I suppose. I guess it's a good thing though, to care this much. It means I actually give a crap about it and want to make sure it's good. Bleh. I will cuddle with the cats and plan. Fun. Anyway, not much else to say. I'll ttyl.

Moving

The past week has been crazy, primarily because I'm moving. Chris and I are moving in together, and I'm stoked. Yes, that means I'm staying out here for the summer and not going back to Albuquerque, but I'm okay with that. I'm looking forward to the direction my life is traveling in. We have three cats in our place, Spaz, Derp, and Petra. They're adorable, but Petra hates them. Oi. Still, she's slowly getting over it.

This week is dead week, meaning that we are doing absolutely nothing other than killing ourselves with our last week of classes. It also means that finals are next week. Still, as much as finals suck, it means that you've reached the end of the semester. It means that anything that's been kicking your ass or killing you or is just something that you need a break from is finally at an end and you can go on. It's like a mental restart button. It puts you back together so that you don't lose your sanity. And I'm going to need it. This summer I'm taking 14 hours. This fall I'm taking 22. And the spring? Hell if I know. The goal is to graduate in May. So one year from now I'm going to be graduating. Holy shit. It seems like I just started going to school here and yet I'm about to leave. It makes me sad. But at the same time, I'm ready for my life already. I'm tired of being a kid with adult privileges. I need to move on. I want to live my life. I'm ready to be an adult. Screw all this "Let's party, study, whatever the hell it is we do here" attitude and move on. So I'm going to try to graduate in May. If I can't, I'm here until December.

My plan for after I graduate is to go to Law School. Random, I know. But I want to do it. All of the stereotypical law school/lawyer ideas don't appeal to me, but I've taken about 5 law classes and loved all of them. I figure that law classes are much closer to what it is that law is all about and how it is in reality, and so I figure that that is probably the most accurate description I have is the classes I've taken. I want to go to UNM; I just hope I get in. That's why I'm trying to graduate in May, though. Law schools don't have Fall/Spring start sessions. You have to start in the fall. So if I finish in December I will have eight months to go before the school year would start. I'm not sure what I'd do with my life. Oi. It's a scary thought. And if this doesn't work out, well, I don't know what I'm going to do.

Anyway, just a little update on life. I'm crazy tired and ready to be done with everything. I need the two or three weeks off that I have before summer classes start. I need something to do that isn't stressful, exhausting, or trying to kill me. So I just need to find a job for the summer and then worry about passing my classes. *sigh* I just want the semester to be over.

Law School

When I was a little kid, my dad told me that I would make a great lawyer. He wasn't saying that I had to be one or that it would be the best thing for me to do or that he wouldn't love me if I wasn't. He didn't spend my life training me to go. He didn't pound it into my head that it was completely essential for me to go to law school and that that was to be my direction in life. No, all he said was that I would probably enjoy it and that I'd be good at it. When I was a little kid I took it as a compliment because he thought I was smart enough to be a lawyer. As I got older, though, he just kind of left it as I went on to pursue my own ideas.

Last year, I was taking a criminal justice class where my teacher prompted discussions and thought about criminal cases. I didn't talk much, but it always made me think of what my position would be and for the first time challenged me to defend it. I loved it. So my dad said again what I had heard so long ago, "Have you thought about being a lawyer? It's very similar to what you're experiencing, and you would be really good at it." I thought about it, but I was still stuck on the idea that I wanted to do forensic work, be a criminal profiler, all of that fun jazz. Plus, I was thinking about lawyers with the stereotype that Hollywood projects. So, while it spiked my interest a bit, I put it in a back corner of my mind.

This semester, my science classes for my degree have been kicking my ass. I've gotten so frustrated with it that I've been tempted to just give up on science and major in something else. So I added a second major, Psychology. Contradictory, yes, but in the pathway of becoming a profiler, it makes sense. While I wanted to drop Forensic Biology, though, I realized just how close I was to graduating with that degree, and it seemed like a waste of time and energy to not follow through. I only have a year left. One year, and I will be done with Forensic Biology. And I learned that I could finish Psychology as well. This means that this time a year from now, I will be 20 years old and about to finish college with two undergraduate degrees. Intense, I know.

I was talking to my dad about finishing school next May and he brought up grad school. He asked if I thought about it and what I wanted to do once I graduated. I told him I really didn't know. It's true. The thought of graduating is amazing. The sense of accomplishment I'd have is absurd. To me, graduating like that would make up (in my mind) for all of my academic failures in the past. It would be the statement that says, "Look at me! I'm smart! I can do whatever I want to do and nothing will hold me back!" So while I'm stoked to graduate, I'm also horrified, because what am I supposed to do after I graduate? I'd have a degree in Forensic Bio and another in Psychology. What the hell do I do with that? I don't want to work in a lab. Being a psychologist isn't bad, but honestly, the likelihood have having guaranteed work in this economy is low. So no. I don't know. So my dad brings up grad school and I'm thinking, "Well crap, I could go but I don't know what I'd study and how would I pay for it and there's a myriad of problems and questions and issues to think about before I could possibly go." His suggestion: What about law school?

First off, until this point I didn't even know that law school was a graduate program. I'm not even sure that I connected it into the realm of normal academic schooling because you go to specific "law schools" and you study law. It's a category of its own. At least that's what I thought. Now I know that in order to get your doctorate of jurisprudence (J.D.) you have to go through a law program at an accredited school and it falls into the category of a Graduate School Program. Who knew? Not me.

Second though, maybe that's a good idea. It would give me something to study. I'd have a direction to go. Wandering aimlessly in life without direction or purpose is horrifying to me. Now I'd have a direction. And UNM is one of the best law schools in the country. Lawyers will always have a job, and there is financial security. I can live a comfortable lifestyle. But would I enjoy it?

I remembered what I felt last year, and so I decided, "Why don't I look into this? It wouldn't hurt to look." So I did. I looked at UNM first because it's in my hometown of Albuquerque, started to read about their program, and look at various aspects about what law school entailed. It was one of the most interesting things I've ever looked at! So I decided maybe it's worth a shot. I looked at various requirements to get in, and started to think, "You know, I could probably do this." I kept hearing about the LSAT (Law School Admissions Test), and so I looked into what that was. I read about it and while they kept saying it was super difficult, it just didn't sound that hard to me. I figured a better test of that would be to look at practice questions to use as a better judge. Of all the questions I took (granted, it wasn't that many), I got about 90% of them right. I wasn't actually trying. So now I'm thinking that with some preparation, I could actually do this.

The classes sound crazy interesting. Stereotype law sounds horrendous, but I think about all my experience with law (about 4 college classes worth) and I realize that I loved all of it. So which is a better indication of what I'd think about it, a stereotype from a place that always fucks up everything and doesn't get anything right, or classes that focus on it and are way closer to the actuality of it than television could ever get? It was at this point that I decided to go to law school.

So this is my plan now. While graduating next May was only a possibility, I intend on making it a reality. Law schools only start in the fall semesters, so if I graduated in December I'd have to kill eight months before I could start school. I need at least decent grades, so I'm determined to do well academically as best I can this semester and for certain for my last three. I am going to spend this summer studying my ass off for the LSAT, and I am going to take it in October. By February of next year I will have my application completed for UNM. And I am going to get in.

Life Is Killing Me

Honestly, it is. Like today, for instance. Alright, on Saturday I didn't really have anything that I needed to do. I didn't have work, I didn't have any immediate homework that needed to get done, I just needed to be at the Zeta house for chapter retreat at 6:30. So I slept until 3. Yes, 3 pm. Why? Because I never get enough sleep. So after 14 hours of sleep I was feeling pretty good. Well, I get to retreat and we aren't really done with what we're doing until 11. Then I had work at 4 but daylight savings time has started today. So I lost an hour of sleep. I get off of work at 8 but I have to be back at the house for more retreat stuff immediately afterwords. We're going until about noon, but I need to stay after for the new member meeting so that I can talk about my EC position. Yeah, I get to go home after, but I have work from 3-5, and a meeting at 5 and at 8. I'll be done around 10 tonight. That's when I get to go to sleep. And it's not like I really slept well last night because I was cold and basically sleeping on a cement floor. Uhg. What makes it worse? I don't really get to sleep tonight, either, because I have work from 3-6. AM. F. M. L. Yeah, I get to sleep after work, but not by much because I have class at 8. Then I do get to sleep for four hours (yay!) but then it's class at 2, meetings from 4:30 until 7:30, then study hours from 8 - 11. Then I'm allowed to sleep. I think my life is trying to kill me. It probably doesn't help that I picked up a second 8 week class to be used as a buffer in case I fail a class because I'm struggling academically. My councilor tells me I'm like the Energizer Bunny because I just keep going and going and she doesn't know how I do it. I don't know how either. I'm starting to get to the point where everything is just a haze and I don't really know or care about anything because I feel so dead. I just don't care. I don't want to do anything anymore. I just want to lie still and stare. Or sleep. Or die because it would be easier than the shit I've been trying to do. My life is killing me.

ECSTATIC

Holy cow, life has taken a turn for the most amazing adventure EVER. I'm so excited!! And I now have a list for why life is perfect.

1. Chris

He's so amazing, I have no idea how I've lived without him. Plus, I'm pretty sure that I would not ahve made it through the last couple of months if he hadn't been by my side the whole time reminding me that I could do it.

2. I got to take my Biology Lab final outside yesterday. And I think I aced it.

3. All three tests that I had today (Chemistry Lab final included) are over with, and I think I passed them all.

4. Two days left of classes and then it's just a week of finals.

5. Chris.

6. Bri is out of town for tonight so I have the room to myself.

7. I know where I'm living next year!!!

8. The room is mostly clean.

9. I can kick back and relax for the next couple of days.

10. Chris gets to pick me up and take me home next weekend!!!! XD

11. School is almost over.

12. Initiation for Zeta is on Friday. Then, nothing to worry about with them after this weekend.

13. My stress-filled life is about to be stress-free ^.^

14. I can sleep now if I felt like it.

15. Chris is just so freakin' amazing!!!!

So yes, life is great. And I am pumped. Yay!!! And I'm not pulling my hair out anymore over all the insanity that is/was filling my life. Yay!!!

Life!

Life. Is. Crazy. But then again, who's life isn't? I've been crazy stressed out, on the edge of psychosis, struggling to stay alive, see friends, I'm head-over-heels in love, and somehow I'm still alive. I don't get it. After my meltdown on Monday, I spent substantial time on Tuesday trying to figure out what is stressing me out in life. Without finishing the list, I got up to 73 reasons. Again, I don't know how I'm not dead. I think it's Chris keeping me alive and giving me a reason to keep trying. All my friends say we're disgustingly adorable but I just don't care, actually. I love him too much to really pay attention to people and what they say. So for the remaining four weeks of school I'm going to continue trying just because of him. =]

Spring Break

Let's just say this: srping break did not feel like one week. It felt more as if I had just spent the last month back home. That's how freakin' spectacular it was.

Breaks. What to say about them? From one perspective, yeah, it could be a highly useful block of time when you have absolutely nothing that you have to do, no where you need to go. It's the perfect time to get caught up on everything in life that you've been neglecting. Perfect, right? I think so.

What have I been neglecting? Me. I'm sorry, but it's true. I've been so bogged down with life recently that air is always a nice little refreshing afterthought that never comes. The calm before the storm? It's long past, and the storm has yet to be over. But along comes a delightful little break that I can spend at home. One week back in my hometown with the people I love and doing anything I want. It's amazing.

So what happened over my break? Snow, rain, doctor visits, movies, lap tag, ice skating, dancing, singing, driving, cuddling, freezing, burning, fighting, sleeping. Win.

I left for home a day early because the eastern side of the state was under a winter weather alert for the whole week leading up to the Friday I had been intending on heading home. Luckily for me, I got home before the storm hit and the interstates closed. Win.

Weekend was great. I saw Chris for ample amounts of time, introduced him to the magic of lap tag, and received my first boquet of flowers ever.

During the week, I visited doctors about my breating issues. Turns out I have a deviated septum in my nose which then lead to me getting a cyst in one of my sinuses so over the summer I get to spend a good amount of time doing surgery and recovery. Fun. Haha. Right. *spark of sarcasm*

I actually got sick on Thursday night but I think I'm better now (I hope so at least). Chris made me tea and helped me sleep though and that right there was huge win. HUGE!! There was ample time for cuddling and hugging and loving and movie watching too. Oh, there was dinner with my parents, dinner with his parents, and lots of family get-to-know-one-another time. Woo! But his family is really cool so more wins!!

Ice skating pursued on Saturday. Yay! I haven't been skating since August so super treat right there. Phenominal food was also provided. Yay! Plus, Chris's brother and my sister are getting along well and that makes me happy.

Sunday I took off back here at school, but it's okay, because break was awesome. I'm totally refreshed and pumped about school again (which was definitely needed; all enthusiasm died a few weeks ago) and so now I'm ready to take on the world plus Chris is so amazing I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. *sigh* Life is just so amazing.

School

You know, as my second blog in the new year, I really considered doing something that was looking back on 2008 now that it's past but I just couldn't bring it. 2006 was a shitty year, so I started looking back on my years at the beginning of 2007. 2008 I was excited to look back and forward because of the new possibilities. This year, it just doesn't seem appropriate. Short tradition, aye?

Well, I'm basically done with my first week of classes for the semester. Woot! I have medication, so hopefully no more dramatic mood swings. I've been on it for a couple of weeks and have had no problems that I can tell. I've stayed pretty consistent on the emotional scale and no crazy manic moments (other than yesterday, but we're going to ignore that...)

Classes are awesome. I'm taking Bio 2, Chem 2, Stats, Criminal Justice, and Dance. Cool classes, aye? Well, maybe you don't think so, but I do. Well, minus Chem. It's not really my thing. I'm a bio major, what can I say? Dance is fantastic and I know I'll love it. Criminal Justice, well, interesting subject but I have yet to decide on the actual class. Bio is cool, same teacher as last semester plus I have friends in the class this semester =] Stats is probably going to be one of those classes that I fall in love with, I just haven't figured it out yet. Yay school!! Maybe loving school makes me weird, but oh well. I'm a full time learner of everything from now until I die.

Zeta is awesome. I'm secretary for my chapter and loving it. I was installed officially a week ago and just started working, but it works. I'm way busy with all the events that I have to go to (my roommate is complaining that she never sees be because of it, but it really isn't that bad) but it's growing on me so I don't mind.

I haven't been able to breathe through my nose really well for the past three or four years and about a year ago it was thought that it was because of allergies, so about a week ago (or two I guess) I went to an allergist (finally!) and got tested for anything I could be allergic to. Out of the 50 or so things they tested, I'm only very very slightly (basically meaning I'm not) allergic to a couple of grasses. Yay for a lack of allergies!!! But it still didn't answer why my nosed is congested all the time. So the allergist thinks I need a CT scan of my head, but because of my insurance I need to try something else first, so the allergist said to treat it like a sinus infection. Guess what that means... Yup, pills and nasal rinses. Do you know how weird nasal rinsing is?!?! Holy canoly, weirdest feeling ever.

Oh, I had my first appointment with a gynecologist a couple weeks ago. Guys, let me tell you, you are some pretty lucky people. I know you have your own masculine things to complain about, but this sucks. Well, I guess it falls into a similar category as getting a prostate check, but still. Crazy uncomfortable, painful, and no fun. Bleh. Being a woman sucks.

So that's basically my past month for you. Fun stuff I suppose. I should probably write about Australia at some point, but that doesn't seem appropriate right now. Anyhowzers, I love you guys for reading =] Hearts!!! <3 <3

I've Been Failing Epically

I know, when do I ever write anymore? Do updates? Anything? Obviously, I haven't been. The reason is the mood swings. I know that I've been talking about them a lot, but the problem is that I still don't have meds for it. It's just really hard to go to class every day and do the work I need to do just to pass, let alone go above and beyond to type up a blog. But I'm trying. Hopefully I'll start getting meds in the next week. I hope.

So, new stuff. I'm leaving for Australia on Saturday!! It's amazing. I'll see my grandparents again and I'll be in the Land Down Under. Woot! My last day of finals is Wednesday, so I will be done soon. I get to go home and see my friends again; it'll be nice. Sarah and I will have a CRave (car rave) and it will be fun. We shall stand in a random parking lot late at night blasting music from our cars and dance in the parking lot and saying, "To Hell with the world!!". Good times =]

First Weekend Home

So, obviously by the title, I went home this past Labor Day weekend. Reason being that I was going to get a new phone and my sister's birthday is on the 31st. So I went home.

It was weird when I left. I felt like I was leaving a part of my soul behind. It made me sad. Still, I was excited to be on the road, so I didn't complain.

I met up with my parents and we chillaxed together on the way home. We all started sharing stories and I told a bunch of my great college stories. It was fun, minus the fact that all four of us were talking at the same time, talking louder and louder trying to be heard by no one who was actually paying attention.

The next day was alright; I continued on like I was still at school. By the afternoon however, I had started to fall by into the same pattern that I'd been living my life in for the past three months. It was weird. As I was going to sleep, it felt like my two weeks at school had been nothing more than a dream of a perfect life that I could never, ever have, and that I was stuck in a place I would never be free from.

Sunday wasn't bad, but it was hard. By the end of the day, I was so frustrated with everything that I was even considering just leaving. However, I couldn't really do that because I'd feel too guilty and because I was giving Kim a ride home the next day. Anyway, it wasn't a great day. Basically, I think it was just that it felt SOmuch like my life when it sucked that I wanted to get away more than anything else, to be reminded that the last two weeks actually happened.

Anyway, today I came home. It was good, but I wasn't all for the driving for five hours. Don't get me wrong, I love driving, it's just that I was really tired is all. Doesn't help that the landscape only gets duller the longer you're driving. Even while I was driving, it still felt like I'd show up and nothing would be here to ever prove that the source of all my happiness would exist. Still, once I got here, it didn't really change.

I got back to school this afternoon and it felt as if I had merely fallen asleep again and I just picked up on my dream where I had left off. It was weird. It still feels a bit surreal. I've got everything I brought all put away and I'm already starting to get back into the swing of things, but I still feel like I'm going to wake up any moment in my bed in a hell I'll never escape. It's weird.

The Nerves are Kicking In

Definitely. In the morning, I'm leaving for Portales. In 24 hours' time, I'm going to be moved in and talking with my family for the last moments I'll have with them. Then I'm on my own.

It's a scary thought, knowing that you have to be on your own. When you leave for school, it suddenly hits you: you aren't a kid anymore. You have to pay for what you need, your parents aren't there to nag you about everything. Your life is suddenly in your hands, and you look like a deer in the headlights wondering what the hell you're going to do with it. It's at times like these where you realize that you have the power over your life and where it's going. It isn't your parents, your family, your friends, your school, or society telling you where you're going and what you're doing. It's all about you. It's a weird feeling. It makes you scared. Can't lie, I am scared shitless right now. But I'm also one of the most excited people you will meet.

That's the other feeling you get when you hit this moment in life. Excitement. Suddenly, you're free. Freedom is an awesome feeling. But guess what? It's scary too. But hey, it's all up to you. You can go to school, you can drop out, you can get a job, you can get married, you can have kids, you can travel the world. Life is yours and you can do what you want with it. Once you realize this, you feel...empowered. At least, I do. I'm excited for all of this. I want to go. I want the freedom. I want the ability to rule my own life.

Anyway, this is what's really bugging me right now. I'm mostly packed (I think...) and so now it's just making sure it's all put together before I leave in the morning. I have to see my remaining friends once more before I leave. And then my new life begins.

Dance

I'm not sure if I mentioned it on here, but this year I was supposed to be on the ENMU spirit squad (dancing portion). Well, today I decided that it's not going to happen. This is for a lot of reasons, but my main reason is that I feel that I am going to be too overwhelmed with the time dance takes to be able to focus on school. My plan is to wait a year and see how it goes, and hopefully I will be able to do dance in the 2009-2010 school year. I'm sad about not dancing, but also happy at the same time. It's a huge weight off of my shoulders and hey, if all goes well I will be dancing again next year. The only thing I need to worry about is making sure that I can stay in shape and keep my flexibility. Shouldn't be too hard, but we'll see. I'm determined that I want my flexibility, so I'm going to make sure I don't lose that one. Only issue is endurance, I guess. I can already feel that one fading. Crap.

Stress

Well, I am leaving for school in about a week and a half. I'm actually starting to freak out a little bit. I'm going to school four hours away from home. I've been far from home multiple times. Hell, I went to Australia and New Zealand for three weeks when I was 15 without the accompaniment of my parents. I've been to nationals three times for dance (twice in Vegas, once in Orlando). I've been to dance and church camp for about a week each (dance three times, church twice). All of this started after my sixth grade year. So yes, I am used to being away from home, but this is the first time where it's more of a permanence. My parents are just a phone call away, but I'm about to turn 18 and I'm living else-where. I don't have coaches or leaders or advisers following me everywhere monitoring my time 24/7 this time. It's all me. I have to be an adult. And I am scared shitless.

College Excitement

Over the weekend I got some most welcome news (yeah, I know, I'm telling you about it a few days late but I just now thought about talking about it). On Saturday night I finally got my dorm assignment and I found out who my roommate is. I know I turned in my application for a dorm room really late, but it took them only a week to get me my schedule yet a month for a dorm. Oh well. I can't really complain. At least I have a place to live this upcoming year. That's one less thing I need to worry about. I really was freaking out about what I was going to do about living next year. I was concerned that maybe I had turned in my application too late and so I wouldn't get a room or something. Silly notion, I know, but it was still there. Well, now all my qualms have been eased and I feel much better. All that's left to do is sell posters for dance team, fill out the NCAA packet, and get everything I need packed and ready to go.

Leaving for College

So I just had a huge shock yesterday. I realized that I leave for college in about six weeks. SIX WEEKS!!! I thought I had more time than that...
Here's why I'm freaking out:

1) I have to pack.

2) I know they have a list of what to pack...but I still don't know what all I should pack or when I should start.

3) I don't know how big my room is or what kind of furniture I'll have so I don't know how much I should bring.

4) I don't have a dorm assignment yet...I hope they get that to me soon.

5) I'm moving in a week before everyone else because of dance.

6) The day I move in is my sister's first day of school.

7) I'm not ready to move yet!

Six weeks is almost no time at all. I'm so painfully excited to be going to school, but I'm so nervous at the same time. I want to go, I totally do, but I'm scared to be on my own. I know no one at this school (except for the people that I sort of met on the spirit squad at tryouts about three months ago). It's small, but I'm a nervous wreck. I'm so excited that I could run around the world and back, but the nerves at how close this is are starting to get to me.

I get to study in the greatest field EVER. Forensic Biology. How many schools actually have a degree program in forensics? 20? It's not that many. I get to learn more about this kick ass subject. I get to leave home. I get the freedom to do what I want. I'll turn 18 while I'm there. I'm going to meet new people. I'm on dance team. I am going to have a blast. All of this is why I can't wait to go.

I'm nervous as hell. I'm going to be living alone. I don't have anyone there to sit there and parent me because *news flash* I'm going to be an adult. I'm going to a school full of adults with a bunch of hormonal people who are all excited about being away from home for the first time and take a look at their brand new freedom!! Not excited about that. Still, I'm going to a small school, so maybe it won't be as bad. Really, how much trouble can you get in to in Portales, New Mexico? My assumption is not too much. I mean honestly, what is there to do? Cow tipping? lol. Still, I'm nervous about being on my own and not knowing anyone. And the fact that it's so soon.

I guess right now I need to really focus on what I want to do with my last six weeks of life in Albuquerque. Oh boy.