Friday, August 15, 2008

The Nerves are Kicking In

Definitely. In the morning, I'm leaving for Portales. In 24 hours' time, I'm going to be moved in and talking with my family for the last moments I'll have with them. Then I'm on my own.

It's a scary thought, knowing that you have to be on your own. When you leave for school, it suddenly hits you: you aren't a kid anymore. You have to pay for what you need, your parents aren't there to nag you about everything. Your life is suddenly in your hands, and you look like a deer in the headlights wondering what the hell you're going to do with it. It's at times like these where you realize that you have the power over your life and where it's going. It isn't your parents, your family, your friends, your school, or society telling you where you're going and what you're doing. It's all about you. It's a weird feeling. It makes you scared. Can't lie, I am scared shitless right now. But I'm also one of the most excited people you will meet.

That's the other feeling you get when you hit this moment in life. Excitement. Suddenly, you're free. Freedom is an awesome feeling. But guess what? It's scary too. But hey, it's all up to you. You can go to school, you can drop out, you can get a job, you can get married, you can have kids, you can travel the world. Life is yours and you can do what you want with it. Once you realize this, you feel...empowered. At least, I do. I'm excited for all of this. I want to go. I want the freedom. I want the ability to rule my own life.

Anyway, this is what's really bugging me right now. I'm mostly packed (I think...) and so now it's just making sure it's all put together before I leave in the morning. I have to see my remaining friends once more before I leave. And then my new life begins.

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