Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Coming Home

I moved back home from Portales on Saturday. I didn't realize that I had so much crap. Holy cow. The worst part is that a lot of it is stuff that I don't need while I'm at home, like first aid stuff, laundry detergent, sheets for beds of different sizes, food, etc. And, because I didn't have it here to begin with, finding a place to put it now is difficult. So I have come to the conclusion that it's time for another room emptying session where I get rid of more stuff. Only problem is I'm a pack rat and I hold on to sentimental stuff for ages. Bleh.

Life at home is...interesting. I get to see Chris pretty much every day (which is awesome), see friends I haven't seen in a while, and hang out with my sister. It's just being home that's....odd. I get the strangest feeling from my dad that I'm just someone who lives here that he really wishes wouldn't. I hate that feeling, like I'm being loathed for existing and costing him money. Oi. My mom says it's not like that at all, but it's still the feeling I get from him. Bleh.

Once again I'm into the predicament of finding a summer job. Only this summer, it's essential that I get one. Uhg. But who would want to hire someone for only two and a half months? Bleh. But I'm eighteen and that means that if I displeased parents in the slightest they can kick me out of the house and my life becomes that much more difficult. Still, my mom had a good point. It'd be better for my own sanity and mental well-being not to be in the house all day every day with my dad this summer. We'd be at each other's throats in a heartbeat. *shiver*

So right now, I've applied at Albertson's. Hopefully I can turn in an app to Starbucks and Wendy's today. My only issue is that I'm limited to places within walking distance from my house. Es no bueno, aye? Oh well. It means money and money means my life gets slightly simpler. And my parents will be off my back.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Odd Thought

You know what is one of the strangest feelings in the world? Being in a ridiculously amazing mood (which I was fortunate enough to find myself in yesterday) but then at the same time start having weird little insecurities pop up out of nowhere. It was almost comical how it all played out.

Basically, I was on the phone with Chris last night. I was feeling amazing because of life and everything being so great (as stated in past blog). As we were talking, though, random insecure thoughts kept popping up. Part of me was laughing, part of me was like, "Really, Krista, really?" and then part of me was trembling in fear that it was true. It was just stupid stuff like, "My legs are so scrawny", (wtf, I know) "My boobs are too big", "Am I really adorable like Chris says?", "What if I'm not smart at all?", etc. And part of me was just laughing hysterically at it.

Really, the insecurities were stupid. And I was feeling absolutely phenomenal about myself and life. So I couldn't believe that I was actually having thoughts like that. It made me laugh because it was just so silly and out of the blue. It didn't make sense and, especially insecurities pertaining to Chris, I was laughing at how far off base I was to even have thoughts like that.

Another part of me was just stunned with disbelief that the thoughts could have come up in the first place. It was incredulous that I could ever think such things, especially about Chris!!! And so I just stared at myself like, "Really, wtf. You're done. No. No more talking. You aren't aloud to talk anymore until your stupidity wears off." It was just pure annoyance that something so stupid could fester in my brain and wait to destroy me like a little time bomb counting down till I hit a moment of depression or something so that then it could completely destroy my mind. Holy crap! I'm a mind ninja to myself!!! 0.0 Scary!!

And the last part of me was scared to death that all of it was true. Trembling in the dark little places in my mind, I was cowering with fear that all my insecurities were based on fact. I guess it kind of goes back to that saying, You are your own worst enemy. And I am. I am the most critical person to myself. I judge myself harder than anyone else does. I verbally attack myself all the time. It's just not cool. Bleh!

Well, let's just say that being torn in those three directions is no fun. Nope. It's the oddest sensation ever. But it makes me laugh at the same time. So maybe next time when I'm feeling down on myself and like I'm worthless to the world I should take a step back and find the humor about all that I'm telling myself. Because I am amazing and I deserve better than what I treat myself with.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009


Holy cow, life has taken a turn for the most amazing adventure EVER. I'm so excited!! And I now have a list for why life is perfect.

1. Chris

He's so amazing, I have no idea how I've lived without him. Plus, I'm pretty sure that I would not ahve made it through the last couple of months if he hadn't been by my side the whole time reminding me that I could do it.

2. I got to take my Biology Lab final outside yesterday. And I think I aced it.

3. All three tests that I had today (Chemistry Lab final included) are over with, and I think I passed them all.

4. Two days left of classes and then it's just a week of finals.

5. Chris.

6. Bri is out of town for tonight so I have the room to myself.

7. I know where I'm living next year!!!

8. The room is mostly clean.

9. I can kick back and relax for the next couple of days.

10. Chris gets to pick me up and take me home next weekend!!!! XD

11. School is almost over.

12. Initiation for Zeta is on Friday. Then, nothing to worry about with them after this weekend.

13. My stress-filled life is about to be stress-free ^.^

14. I can sleep now if I felt like it.

15. Chris is just so freakin' amazing!!!!

So yes, life is great. And I am pumped. Yay!!! And I'm not pulling my hair out anymore over all the insanity that is/was filling my life. Yay!!!

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Dead Connection

Fantastic book by Charlie Price. Chris's mom leant it to me over spring break and I only just now took the time to sit down and read it. It wasn't really a hard read or anything, just a little odd because it went with a bunch of different points of view and kept changing them every couple of pages. That's why it took me four hours to read it. But it was great ^.^ If you have a chance, go read it.

(Just so it goes on the record, that was a horrible book review. I'm sorry. ='[ )

One Week

That's all that's left of time spent in actual classes. And then I have a week of finals. Not bad. I'm so ready for the semester to be over. But on Thursday evening I had something that isn't necessarily unusual, it's just that it was more unexpected. I was stressed out about life, Zeta, school, and just everything in general (for the most part at least) and then a sudden moment of clarity hit me. All of a sudden I felt very calm and certain that this semester would end just fine. And I wasn't worried anymore. Everything just sort of fell into place mentally and it was sort of like a moment where it was like, "Why am I worrying? Everything's going to be fine." It was nice. And now I'm not stressed at all. I just feel like everything will work out. Maybe it's a dellusion that I've put myself under as a means of keeping my mental sanity, but who knows? Maybe it's my body telling me to chill the **** out because I'm worrying over nothing. I hope that's the case.

Life has slowed down substantially and I'm ecstatic. No, it's not entirely stress free, but there's no new stresses (for the most part). Now, it's just watching the ridiculously long list of stress factors diminishing at a fairly steady pace. There's so much less to worry about. Plus, nothing school related can add much of anything new to my stress list. So all I have to do is tough it out for the next week and then it's pretty much over. I feel so much better.

Saturday, May 2, 2009


Thirsty is an incredible book. Holy cow! It's by M. T. Anderson, and it's phenomenal. Win. For certain. But maybe it makes me weird by how much I like it. I can't help it, I want to be a part of a supernatural world. Badly. I would be a vampire in a heart beat if I could. Is it bad that I wouldn't have a problem killing for life? Who knows. I know some people would hate me for that, but it's where I stand. And I know that there are others who feel the same. But yes. Back to the book. (Haha, sorry about the sidetrack of my desire for the supernatural) The book is f-ing epic!! Much love!! And vampires are such win!!! No, these vampires are not the happy-go-lucky vampires of Twilight, nor are they the amazing sex gods of Anne Rice, but they are brutal and, surprisingly, a commonly accepted part of society in this book. Minus the part where there are public slayings. But yes. Amazing. Go read. =]