Thursday, July 23, 2009


That's how I feel. Maybe that's why I pour myself into the online world, I have some deep subconscious hope that someone out there will find me and then maybe I can stop trying to deal with life by myself. Because every single person I've ever put trust in, hope in, faith in, any bit of myself in, it's all been taken and shoved in my face. So there's no one to talk to, no one to share my secrets with, no one to hold me when I feel like shit, no one to reassure me that it's okay, no one to love me, no one to conspire with. Is it really so much to ask for? I give all of my self to people but now it's like so much of me has been taken by every person as they left that I've been broken and shattered into a billion little pieces never to be whole again. Maybe that's why I'm always in pain. But knowing that you're on your own really makes you hate the fact that you can feel at all, because it wouldn't bug you so much if you couldn't.

Friday, July 17, 2009

You know...

The point of having a blog is, oh I don't know, to blog! And clearly I fail at that. Oi. Wha'ts weird is that I check this all the time I just don't update it. I guess I just have a lack of motivation or something. Bleh. So, updates on life:

1. Just had my 5 month anniversary with Chris. Twas amazing!

2. I've been doing summer school. I'm taking Cultural Anthropology and Criminal Investigations. So...much...reading!

3. I was babysitting for about three weeks. Finally over, but it definitely wore me out.

4. My mom had a hysterectomy at the beginning of the month.

5. My dad is having a hard time with his massage business. But he just finished his massage CD (if you're interested, go to, so that is good.

6. I had a hormonal attack a couple of days ago. No fun. The worst part is that the lies your body tells you are made to be so real...

7. I have had a change of heart of what I am going to do with my life. After I finish school I'm going to work in a Crime Lab for three years and then work to become an FBI Special Agent.

8. I started working out again. My body is loving me for it.

9. I've been keeping my room cleaner.

10. I can't wait for school to start up again. I'm going back in about two weeks.

Anyway, that's about it. I'll try to post more. I know, I say that all the time. Uhg. But who knows, maybe this time will be different, aye?