Thursday, July 23, 2009
That's how I feel. Maybe that's why I pour myself into the online world, I have some deep subconscious hope that someone out there will find me and then maybe I can stop trying to deal with life by myself. Because every single person I've ever put trust in, hope in, faith in, any bit of myself in, it's all been taken and shoved in my face. So there's no one to talk to, no one to share my secrets with, no one to hold me when I feel like shit, no one to reassure me that it's okay, no one to love me, no one to conspire with. Is it really so much to ask for? I give all of my self to people but now it's like so much of me has been taken by every person as they left that I've been broken and shattered into a billion little pieces never to be whole again. Maybe that's why I'm always in pain. But knowing that you're on your own really makes you hate the fact that you can feel at all, because it wouldn't bug you so much if you couldn't.