Magical Lubbock Adventure

Woot! I ran away to Lubbock, TX yesterday (uhg Texas sucks, I know, I'm painfully aware of that) and I had a blast with my ZTA little sister, Alex, and my adopted ZTA big sister, Petra. It was loads of fun! What I'm super jealous about, though, is how many Greeks Texas Tech has. Our campus has 5 established, one colonizing. Of those six, four are for guys. So that leaves two for girls. At Tech, it is ridiculous how many they have! I'm so jealous! Going to bigger schools makes me want to see what it's like to be Greek there rather than here. ENMU is one of the most anti-Greek schools you can have while still maintaining Greek life. Last year the administration tried to get all Greeks off campus because they blamed us for a high freshman dropout rate. Newsflash, it's because of Greeks that many freshman stay in college. I know a few of my sisters would have left a while ago if it wasn't for us. Also, we had to say what our classification was, what our G.P.A. was at, and what organizations we were in that aren't Greek. Let me just say that Greeks on our campus have higher G.P.A.s, fill in all years of schooling (yeah, there are even grad-students on campus who are Greek), and make up the majority of students involved on anything in campus. So, I think that's a score for Greeks. Anyway, sorry for ranting. My point is, we need more Greeks on campus. I think that it would greatly help the entire system here. We have two women's fraternities on campus. Two. It makes it a constant fight against the two of them, fighting for members, pushing against one another; I just think that it would help immensely if we had more women's fraternities on campus. Not only would it provide more options for girls here on campus to choose from, it would also help lessen the competition between the two already here. When there are more groups to choose from, more people belong to different groups, and Greek life thrives. Because the pressure isn't so high to get numbers, the groups would get along better. It wouldn't just be a show between which group is better. I honestly believe that our school would be better off if we added at least one more women's fraternity. I know that they've existed,so why not bring them back? I know that Alpha Chi Omega was once here. So ask them to recolonize. Or bring in Delta Delta Delta or Kappa Kappa Gamma or Kappa Alpha Theta or Alpha Phi. There are so many out there, so let's do it. It makes me happy to see strong Greek communities, and it sucks that ours isn't. I know it's getting better, it really is, but it could be so much more.

Anyway, off of the Greek rant. So Alex, Petra, and I went to Lubbock yesterday to pick up Alex's boyfriend who was flying in from Memphis. We went wandering around Lubbock for a few hours, ate food, and basically just hung out. At one point Alex and I ended up walking around Texas Tech just to see what it was like. We checked out one of their dorms and holy crap that thing is nice! I'm so envious!! If we had dorms like that I might be more willing to stay on campus. Still, I learned that Tech is a really pretty school, and I can see why a lot of people go there. Maybe I just missed out on that whole "college visit" thing because I never did that. I never went to other schools and looked around. So maybe I'm making up for it. We tried to talk to some members of the Zeta chapter over there but it failed (no one was home) so we had to move on, but it was still way fun. We also ran by Best Buy and got Petra a new laptop. And, while I was there, I found out that there is a very good potential that I might be getting one next weekend. Eek!!! Another bonus, I have enough money as of Friday to buy my bride's maid dress next weekend, so I am pretty stoked. Oh! I get to go home this weekend!! Yay!! This is the first time in two months that I get to leave here and go home! Holy crap!! I'm so excited!! Eek! I miss my sister so bad I want to jump her and tackle her and drive her insane because I miss her like crazy!

Alright, I should probably bring this nonsense to a close, because all it is is me going on and on with no sense of purpose and no direction. Oi. So anyway, long story short, I had a blast in Lubbock yesterday. And I am a proud member of the Greek family. Woot!

Coming Home

I moved back home from Portales on Saturday. I didn't realize that I had so much crap. Holy cow. The worst part is that a lot of it is stuff that I don't need while I'm at home, like first aid stuff, laundry detergent, sheets for beds of different sizes, food, etc. And, because I didn't have it here to begin with, finding a place to put it now is difficult. So I have come to the conclusion that it's time for another room emptying session where I get rid of more stuff. Only problem is I'm a pack rat and I hold on to sentimental stuff for ages. Bleh.

Life at home is...interesting. I get to see Chris pretty much every day (which is awesome), see friends I haven't seen in a while, and hang out with my sister. It's just being home that's....odd. I get the strangest feeling from my dad that I'm just someone who lives here that he really wishes wouldn't. I hate that feeling, like I'm being loathed for existing and costing him money. Oi. My mom says it's not like that at all, but it's still the feeling I get from him. Bleh.

Once again I'm into the predicament of finding a summer job. Only this summer, it's essential that I get one. Uhg. But who would want to hire someone for only two and a half months? Bleh. But I'm eighteen and that means that if I displeased parents in the slightest they can kick me out of the house and my life becomes that much more difficult. Still, my mom had a good point. It'd be better for my own sanity and mental well-being not to be in the house all day every day with my dad this summer. We'd be at each other's throats in a heartbeat. *shiver*

So right now, I've applied at Albertson's. Hopefully I can turn in an app to Starbucks and Wendy's today. My only issue is that I'm limited to places within walking distance from my house. Es no bueno, aye? Oh well. It means money and money means my life gets slightly simpler. And my parents will be off my back.

ECSTATIC

Holy cow, life has taken a turn for the most amazing adventure EVER. I'm so excited!! And I now have a list for why life is perfect.

1. Chris

He's so amazing, I have no idea how I've lived without him. Plus, I'm pretty sure that I would not ahve made it through the last couple of months if he hadn't been by my side the whole time reminding me that I could do it.

2. I got to take my Biology Lab final outside yesterday. And I think I aced it.

3. All three tests that I had today (Chemistry Lab final included) are over with, and I think I passed them all.

4. Two days left of classes and then it's just a week of finals.

5. Chris.

6. Bri is out of town for tonight so I have the room to myself.

7. I know where I'm living next year!!!

8. The room is mostly clean.

9. I can kick back and relax for the next couple of days.

10. Chris gets to pick me up and take me home next weekend!!!! XD

11. School is almost over.

12. Initiation for Zeta is on Friday. Then, nothing to worry about with them after this weekend.

13. My stress-filled life is about to be stress-free ^.^

14. I can sleep now if I felt like it.

15. Chris is just so freakin' amazing!!!!

So yes, life is great. And I am pumped. Yay!!! And I'm not pulling my hair out anymore over all the insanity that is/was filling my life. Yay!!!

Stressed

I'm stressed. But didn't we already review this? I'm trying, but life is crazy. I got a flier the other day for signs and symptoms of burnout and I had all of the above. Fun. I'm so ready for the semester to end. I have an appointment with my adviser tomorrow about my schedule for next semester, so that will be interesting. Bri and I are looking into getting a place off campus that we can live in next semester; that should be interesting. Hopefully we can get another roommate or two to live with us so that rent is cheaper. There's only two and a half weeks left of classes before finals and then we head home. I'm stoked. I have what classes I want to take next year all planned out. I am planning on taking a couple of classes over the summer to alleviate my case-load. I'm trying to get an internship with the Albuquerque Police Department. They haven't called me back, though. So I will aim for a job at Borders. I've been walking everywhere since I gave my car back to my parents last week (because of financial reasons) so on Sunday, for instance, Bri and I walked 6 miles to Sonic and back. It took us an hour round trip. Today I walked around three miles. I think we walked 8 miles to the cemetery and back the other day. I walk to the Zeta house. If I don't get more in shape because of this I'm going to be mildly agitated. I'm having weird body functions a.k.a. mood swings. Bleh. And I really just want the semester to be over. Uhg.

Life!

Life. Is. Crazy. But then again, who's life isn't? I've been crazy stressed out, on the edge of psychosis, struggling to stay alive, see friends, I'm head-over-heels in love, and somehow I'm still alive. I don't get it. After my meltdown on Monday, I spent substantial time on Tuesday trying to figure out what is stressing me out in life. Without finishing the list, I got up to 73 reasons. Again, I don't know how I'm not dead. I think it's Chris keeping me alive and giving me a reason to keep trying. All my friends say we're disgustingly adorable but I just don't care, actually. I love him too much to really pay attention to people and what they say. So for the remaining four weeks of school I'm going to continue trying just because of him. =]

Spring Break

Let's just say this: srping break did not feel like one week. It felt more as if I had just spent the last month back home. That's how freakin' spectacular it was.

Breaks. What to say about them? From one perspective, yeah, it could be a highly useful block of time when you have absolutely nothing that you have to do, no where you need to go. It's the perfect time to get caught up on everything in life that you've been neglecting. Perfect, right? I think so.

What have I been neglecting? Me. I'm sorry, but it's true. I've been so bogged down with life recently that air is always a nice little refreshing afterthought that never comes. The calm before the storm? It's long past, and the storm has yet to be over. But along comes a delightful little break that I can spend at home. One week back in my hometown with the people I love and doing anything I want. It's amazing.

So what happened over my break? Snow, rain, doctor visits, movies, lap tag, ice skating, dancing, singing, driving, cuddling, freezing, burning, fighting, sleeping. Win.

I left for home a day early because the eastern side of the state was under a winter weather alert for the whole week leading up to the Friday I had been intending on heading home. Luckily for me, I got home before the storm hit and the interstates closed. Win.

Weekend was great. I saw Chris for ample amounts of time, introduced him to the magic of lap tag, and received my first boquet of flowers ever.

During the week, I visited doctors about my breating issues. Turns out I have a deviated septum in my nose which then lead to me getting a cyst in one of my sinuses so over the summer I get to spend a good amount of time doing surgery and recovery. Fun. Haha. Right. *spark of sarcasm*

I actually got sick on Thursday night but I think I'm better now (I hope so at least). Chris made me tea and helped me sleep though and that right there was huge win. HUGE!! There was ample time for cuddling and hugging and loving and movie watching too. Oh, there was dinner with my parents, dinner with his parents, and lots of family get-to-know-one-another time. Woo! But his family is really cool so more wins!!

Ice skating pursued on Saturday. Yay! I haven't been skating since August so super treat right there. Phenominal food was also provided. Yay! Plus, Chris's brother and my sister are getting along well and that makes me happy.

Sunday I took off back here at school, but it's okay, because break was awesome. I'm totally refreshed and pumped about school again (which was definitely needed; all enthusiasm died a few weeks ago) and so now I'm ready to take on the world plus Chris is so amazing I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. *sigh* Life is just so amazing.

Australia

Well, I made it all the way there and back again by myself. I give myself kudos for that. It was lots of fun. I spent most of my time in Sydney but I also went to Adelaide, Broken Hill, Port Fairy, The Great Ocean Road, and Melbourne. I saw a rain forest, fish in the ocean, and really interesting people. I got to spend a good amount of quality time with my grandparents and overall I enjoyed myself immensely. I'm definitely going to have to go back one day.

I've Been Failing Epically

I know, when do I ever write anymore? Do updates? Anything? Obviously, I haven't been. The reason is the mood swings. I know that I've been talking about them a lot, but the problem is that I still don't have meds for it. It's just really hard to go to class every day and do the work I need to do just to pass, let alone go above and beyond to type up a blog. But I'm trying. Hopefully I'll start getting meds in the next week. I hope.

So, new stuff. I'm leaving for Australia on Saturday!! It's amazing. I'll see my grandparents again and I'll be in the Land Down Under. Woot! My last day of finals is Wednesday, so I will be done soon. I get to go home and see my friends again; it'll be nice. Sarah and I will have a CRave (car rave) and it will be fun. We shall stand in a random parking lot late at night blasting music from our cars and dance in the parking lot and saying, "To Hell with the world!!". Good times =]

Official for Winter Break

I am leaving for Australia on December 13. I don't come back until January 7. Dude, I am so excited!!! However, I broke my fingers yesterday by typing for about 10 hours straight, so I'm going to have to cut this blog short. Laters.

Winter Break

Well, this winter break I am privileged enough to go to Australia for at least two weeks to be with my grandparents for Christmas. I can't explain just how excited I am! This is going to be awesome!! I am quite happy. This is awesome. Oh man. When I got more details I'll let you know =]

First Weekend Home

So, obviously by the title, I went home this past Labor Day weekend. Reason being that I was going to get a new phone and my sister's birthday is on the 31st. So I went home.

It was weird when I left. I felt like I was leaving a part of my soul behind. It made me sad. Still, I was excited to be on the road, so I didn't complain.

I met up with my parents and we chillaxed together on the way home. We all started sharing stories and I told a bunch of my great college stories. It was fun, minus the fact that all four of us were talking at the same time, talking louder and louder trying to be heard by no one who was actually paying attention.

The next day was alright; I continued on like I was still at school. By the afternoon however, I had started to fall by into the same pattern that I'd been living my life in for the past three months. It was weird. As I was going to sleep, it felt like my two weeks at school had been nothing more than a dream of a perfect life that I could never, ever have, and that I was stuck in a place I would never be free from.

Sunday wasn't bad, but it was hard. By the end of the day, I was so frustrated with everything that I was even considering just leaving. However, I couldn't really do that because I'd feel too guilty and because I was giving Kim a ride home the next day. Anyway, it wasn't a great day. Basically, I think it was just that it felt SOmuch like my life when it sucked that I wanted to get away more than anything else, to be reminded that the last two weeks actually happened.

Anyway, today I came home. It was good, but I wasn't all for the driving for five hours. Don't get me wrong, I love driving, it's just that I was really tired is all. Doesn't help that the landscape only gets duller the longer you're driving. Even while I was driving, it still felt like I'd show up and nothing would be here to ever prove that the source of all my happiness would exist. Still, once I got here, it didn't really change.

I got back to school this afternoon and it felt as if I had merely fallen asleep again and I just picked up on my dream where I had left off. It was weird. It still feels a bit surreal. I've got everything I brought all put away and I'm already starting to get back into the swing of things, but I still feel like I'm going to wake up any moment in my bed in a hell I'll never escape. It's weird.

The Nerves are Kicking In

Definitely. In the morning, I'm leaving for Portales. In 24 hours' time, I'm going to be moved in and talking with my family for the last moments I'll have with them. Then I'm on my own.

It's a scary thought, knowing that you have to be on your own. When you leave for school, it suddenly hits you: you aren't a kid anymore. You have to pay for what you need, your parents aren't there to nag you about everything. Your life is suddenly in your hands, and you look like a deer in the headlights wondering what the hell you're going to do with it. It's at times like these where you realize that you have the power over your life and where it's going. It isn't your parents, your family, your friends, your school, or society telling you where you're going and what you're doing. It's all about you. It's a weird feeling. It makes you scared. Can't lie, I am scared shitless right now. But I'm also one of the most excited people you will meet.

That's the other feeling you get when you hit this moment in life. Excitement. Suddenly, you're free. Freedom is an awesome feeling. But guess what? It's scary too. But hey, it's all up to you. You can go to school, you can drop out, you can get a job, you can get married, you can have kids, you can travel the world. Life is yours and you can do what you want with it. Once you realize this, you feel...empowered. At least, I do. I'm excited for all of this. I want to go. I want the freedom. I want the ability to rule my own life.

Anyway, this is what's really bugging me right now. I'm mostly packed (I think...) and so now it's just making sure it's all put together before I leave in the morning. I have to see my remaining friends once more before I leave. And then my new life begins.

I Was a Twin

Okay, officially, no I wasn't. But my sister and I have an interesting theory. If you've ever met my sister, you know we're a lot alike. Ever since we were little, people would ask us if we were twins. What was weird when we were younger is that I was a foot taller than her and people still thought we were. Silly, I know. Anyway, we have a theory.

Our theory is this: we were supposed to be twins. If you look at my blog where I talk about choosing parents and interacting with other beings on the spiritual planes, this theory makes sense. Here's our logic for it. My mom had a miscarriage before she had me. My sister and I think that that child was actually supposed to be both of us, born into this world as twins. However, we also feel that our mom's body wouldn't have been able to handle twins and neither could our parents just trying to raise them. As a result, we came separately when the time was right.

Now, there is my sister and myself. We are three years apart but we also look pretty similar and act similarly. We have those "freaky twin things" where we'll say entire sentences at the same time, same pace, same tempo, same everything. We think alike and act alike. People who don't know us very well but meet us together think we're twins. They always freak out when they find out we aren't. So, we think that we were supposed to be twins all along, and that we really are, just that we have a three year gap without the other.

*Note: The picture is of my sister and me at my high school graduation this past may. Sorry that it's a really crappy picture; I'm lacking a better one. Hopefully when my sister gets home from school today I can get a new one. My sister, Stephanie, is on the left. I am on the right.

My Life is SO Weird

My life nowadays always seems to have a way of working its way right back where I want it. I don't know how, it just always does. Every time something comes and knocks it out of whack, it finds its way back and I have no idea how. Here's my two guesses: 1. I have REALLY GOOD karma. 2. I am a master at the Law of Attraction. Why do I say this? Mainly because Jarrod and I are still friends and I'm not ready to kill Lynsie anymore.

So let's start with the first theory, I have FANTASTIC karma. I'm not going to deny that one. If you've ever looked at my life you will notice that I always get great things happening to me. Just as things are starting to look bad something good always comes along. I'm not kidding, my karmic energy is phenomenal. I'm not sure how, maybe I can save karmic energy from past lives and let it all accumulate (like roll-over minutes haha lol roll-0ver karma points lmao). Either way, karma always seems to be in my favor. At least, nowadays. But then again, doesn't karma sort of tie into the Law of Attraction?

So the second theory, I'm a master at the Law of Attraction*. This makes sense. If you don't know me, let me enlighten you. A couple years ago I was seriously depressed. I was suicidal. Yes, I was cutting. I contemplated suicide on a fairly regular basis and for all those who did know me at that time, you know that nothing helped. I had to see a councilor, I was put on mood-stabilizers (because I'm a bit bipolar), and still, nothing was really making a difference. Now you are probably wondering how this applies to me being a master of the Law of Attraction. Well, it's simple. Take the negative side of that Law and you had me: the Master of Negativity. Here's what I kept thinking over and over and over again:

1. My life sucks.
2. My parents hate me.
3. No one at school likes me.
4. I have no friends.
5. My sister is a bitch who is out to ruin my life.
6. I'm fat.

These six things were what I thought about all the time. Now, we know the universe likes to give you what you ask for. So what happened? I got all of the above tenfold. It sucked. Basically it turned out like so:

1. I hated everything in life and was miserable enough to be suicidal.
2. My parents and I fought all the time.
3. People at school gave me dirty looks and talked shit about me behind my back.
4. My friends stopped talking to me and left me alone.
5. My sister and I would yell and fight (yes, physically too) at every opportunity.
6. I gained 40 lbs in a year.

Yeah, Law of Attraction works alright. And guess what? I had to learn that the hard way. I had to learn that I made my life exactly that. I had to learn the hard way that I lost everything I cared about most because I was so damn negative. What a lot of people probably don't know, however, is that is was my friend and soon-to-be boyfriend, Sam, that helped me out of it. How? Well, he was in the same position I was, and as soon as I started to see what he was doing, it snapped me out of it. I saw what he was doing and it got me out of my introspective nightmare. I realized that everything he was doing to himself was an exact reflection of what I was doing to myself. Together, we both grew out of it and moved on. If you've talked to me recently, you know I've talked a lot of trash about Sam, but the truth is, I still owe him my life. He helped me more than anyone could and saved my life. I still have to respect that. It was because of him that I could see how my thoughts made my life exactly that. When my thoughts were a lie, the universe turned it into a truth. That's how I learned about the Law of Attraction.

It wasn't until this past year, however, that I really started to get how to be positive. It really hit me when Sam and I broke up (yeah, we were together for almost two years. He was my first boyfriend. It ended badly. We don't talk anymore). After that moment, I started to really see things. I got out of a world that existed of only two people, Sam and myself. I started to see the world for what it was. I saw people and really saw them for the first time. I started to realize that I had friends. My parents and I get along great. My sister is one of my many best friends. I'm losing weight. I'm going to a school that's right for me. Everything in my life is going exactly the way I want it to. People always wish that their lives could be perfect. Mine already is. I'm surrounded by great people. I learn something new every day. I have a huge circle of friends. Life is amazing. And I made it happen.

So hwo does this apply to me now? Well, Jarrod is talking to me and we're still good friends (yes, name of said guy that I've liked for ages is Jarrod. I'm tired of alluding to him). I'm not so angry at my cousin anymore. I forgive her. And life just went back to the way it was before yesterday blew up in my face. Strange. My life is SO weird.

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*For those of you who don't understand, it's a simple concept. Basically, what you put out is what you get back threefold (or close to anyway). So let's say you send out a small, marble-sized amount of love to someone you know. In turn, the universe will give you back a bowling ball portion of love. Let's say you send out a toothpick of negativity to someone. You will get back a javelin-sized negative reaction in your face. It follows very close to the idea of karma, it just has a different name and a little clearer definition.

My Heart Feels Destroyed

Yesterday, the guy that I've been crushing on for months basically started hitting it off with my cousin. They've only seen each other twice. Yeah, it sucks. My cousin knew how I felt a month ago. Anyone who saw me and this guy together could tell that I liked him. A LOT. What set me off: 1) I felt like he was trying to avoid me randomly (which is weird because for the past month anyone paying any attention to the two of us at all would have been able to tell that I liked him and he probably liked me back as any observer noted to me) 2) He started texting my cousin (not that I really care, but there was a twinge of jealousy because he was talking to her more than he talked to me and I was always trying to be there for him) the ENTIRE day 3) When I tried to talk to him he wasn't talking back (via text) 4) He was acting unusually distant towards me when I saw him 5) He started flirting with my cousin a bunch 6) For the last hour and a half that I was there (he, my sister, my cousin, and myself were all at his house watching Casino Royale and then the Olympics) he was holding hands with her nonstop. Man, I feel like someone ripped out my heart, ground it into a bloody pulp, and then shoved it back down my throat. It sucks. It's the first time anything like this ever happened to me. First of all, I have been falling for him for the past two months (getting closer to three now). Second, I thought he liked me back, but I guess I was wrong. Third, it was my cousin of all people. I trusted her with everything, I told her everything and how I felt and quite literally everything and then the second time she sees him she's all over him and he's all over her. Oh yeah, and as we were leaving, he gave her this huge hug that lasted for freaking ever. Uhg. I feel like shit. I feel betrayed by both of them. I feel like my heart's been ripped into a million pieces and then spit on by two people that I greatly cared about. Guess it's a new experience that I get to have for myself after-all. It sucks.

Spiritual Life

I went to church* this morning and it was a little different from normal. My friend Corey came with me (Jarrod was supposed to come too but he had to work). I'm in the Young Adult group (18-22; high school graduates) and I was the only one there today who's been going to this church for more than a couple of months. So what we did today was basically go over the history of The Science of Mind and go over some of its basic teachings. Part of our conversation came up to the concepts discussed in The Celestine Prophecy and what happens in the afterlife and what goes into reincarnation. The one that made me really think was about how we may choose who our parents are going to be while we are still living in a purely spiritual plane in between lives.

This wasn't the first time I'd heard this idea, however it was the first time I heard it from church. Still, it kind of makes sense. My dad once saw a hypnotherapist and something he talked about was being before he was born and deciding who his parents were going to be. It was interesting how he described it and it really did make a lot of sense. Today, I heard my friend and teacher, Carol, talk about it in class today about how she feels that this idea is correct. She told us of how she must have chosen her parents for the lessons they would teach her. The way she talked about it really made me feel like it must be true.

Still, the issue I came across was why I would have chosen my parents. In both my dad and Carol's cases, I could see why it was that they would have chosen their parents, but I think about my own parents and it's much more difficult for me to see it. Sure, I learned a lot from my parents (they've only been raising me for the past 17 years) but for me to think of something specifically about them that would make me choose them out of any other couple on the planet, that was significantly more difficult.

I am a firm believer in an afterlife. My vision of it consists of the planes described in the novel What Dreams May Come, by Richard Matheson (yes, the book. The movie was good, but I'm talking about the book here. Very different). I also believe in reincarnation. I feel that between lives we spend time in the spiritual planes learning and growing as souls, so that when we come back again we main gain even more insight then the life before. During this time between physical lives I can see us discussing, talking, thinking, and sharing ideas for who we will be and who we will become in the next life. If we do that, it would only make sense that we could decide who are parents are and for different reasons. But I still am not sure why I would have chosen mine. Maybe I didn't choose them, maybe they chose me.

I've been told by my mom that I've taught her a lot, and that the biggest thing she's learned from me is how to lighten up. My mom used to be really up tight and stressed out. She was OCD about cleaning and neatness. It's only been recently that she's been able to take a step back in life and mellow out. She doesn't feel guilty anymore for taking an indulgent moment for herself. She doesn't take everything quite so personally, and I'd say she's much more pleasant to live with. She says it's because of me. So that leads me to wonder if maybe she was the one who chose me, rather than the other way around. What if she chose me because she wanted to learn how to relax and live life a little and she knew I could teach her? Or, what if she wanted someone to teach her and others in the spiritual realm assigned me to her, to help her grow?

Another idea, what if I was chosen to be with my parents by other spiritual beings? What if I was assigned to my parents to be a teacher to them? What if I was sent to them so that I would be presented with more opportunities to bring me closer to my purpose in life? And there we find ourselves in a completely different realm: Life Purpose. The question that puzzles us all, why are we here and what is our purpose? Maybe we know in between lives and we have to be able to find it and live it in the physical plane.

For me, I've been getting a growing sense of what my purpose is. I feel that I am to teach others about being complete with themselves. I think I am supposed to be here to help people learn to heal and grow spiritually so that they may achieve a higher spiritual level of well-being. This is all a theory, but the more time I've spent considering it the more likely it seems. Still, I need to think about that some more. But let's say that this was my purpose in life. If it was, I would have chosen my parents for the opportunities they provided me with. Without them, I wouldn't have learned about keeping an open mind and growing. I wouldn't have had the freedom to explore what I believe, what I feel, and what I think about life, love, religion, philosophy, etc. This all seems very probable. So maybe that's why I'm here and why I am who I am and why I know the people I know.

Anyway, I know it sounds like a crazy idea, to be the one to decide who your parents are, rather than having no control at all. Still, you should think about it. What if you did choose who your parents were? Why would you have chosen them? Even if they seemed bad, what about them made you who you are? It doesn't hurt to think about it, even just a little bit.

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*Albuquerque Center for Spiritual Living
-Officially we are a church but we are very different from your average church. Basically what we teach is a philosophy on how to live life to your benefit. We're very open-minded and we accept everyone. We're just happy people.

Relationships

Have you ever taken a look around you and realized just how difficult relationships are? I'm not even talking about a relationship in the "love" sort of way where a person has a partner that they care for inexplicably; no, I'm talking about your day to day relationships. Everyone has them whether they want to or not. Relationships are everywhere, with your boss, your coworkers, your classmates, your neighbors, your friends, your family, and yes, lovers, too. It's in all these relationships that I'm talking about. They're just so difficult!!

Relationship Number One: Family

Face it, it's difficult. We all know that. It starts from the time that we are conceived. Really, there's nothing more basic then our relationship with family. Family is difficult. Why? You can't get rid of them (technically you can but please don't fight me on this one). Family is always there. You are related by blood, so you can't sever yourself from them.

Parents are an excellent example. Dealing with them is trying, to say the least. Trust me, I know. I've spent seventeen years of life living in their house with them. I see them almost every day. Usually we get along great, but as with everyone, there are times where we are quite hostile towards one another. The thing with parents is that you have to find a balance in the middle in order to deal with them. You have to give and they have to give. But then again, isn't that true in any relationship? We all have to give if we want the relationship to remain healthy.

Extended family can be a pain in the ass. Let's face it, we've probably all got at least one relative that we think of in a negative light. We try not to be with them too much and when we are, it's never a pleasant experience. Usually we don't want that relative to know what we really think, though, so we pretend as if we all love each other. Oi. (Honesty would be nice but then again, we sort of don't want to hurt other's feelings so we spare them the truth they don't need to know. We disgust me, but I know I'm the same so I can't go on for too long on that.)

Let's face it: family is the one relationship web that will always exist. Sure, it changes, some people leave, some people join, but most everyone stays put. Even if we try to ignore our family, the family still knows we exist and we still know that the family exists. If you saw another family member randomly one day there's still the relationship between you. Granted, I never said anything about it being positive, but it doesn't change the fact that it still exists. Family is the one relationship you can't erase. I'd say this makes a pretty difficult relationship to maintain, wouldn't you agree?

Relationship Number Two: Friends

Friendship.

Yes, friendship.

So freakin' difficult it's disgusting. Why? Well, we aren't born with friends. We have to make them. You meet people, you interact with them, and if you like them, you usually try to stay around them. This is how friendship begins. Still, it's not as easy as that. We all understand the difficulty of making friends. Only thing is, making friends is the easy part. I know, it's not easy, but when you compare it to the next thing, it really is.

What's harder than making friends? Keeping them. Yup. Keeping your friends is harder than making them. Believe me, that's the truth. Why is it harder? Simple. If you don't keep up with the relationship, keep giving to it, you lose it. Sucks, I know, but that's the cold, hard, vicious, brutal truth of the matter. Let's say you have a best friend that you ignore for two months. When you see them again, it's not going to be the same. That friend may be resentful, or hurt. You probably lost that friend.

What's so obnoxious, though, is that friends are the people that we take advantage of the most. We always assume that are friends are still going to be our friends the next day. We always assume that we don't need to worry about our friends because hell, they're our friend. They wouldn't just leave us. At least, that's what we assume.

But remember when you're on the other side. You're the friend who's being forgotten. It sucks, right? Trust me, I know. If you haven't been there, try to picture it. Not the greatest, and when the friend comes running back to you it only pisses you off. So yeah, friendships are difficult. But they aren't the hardest.

Relationship Number Three: Significant Others

We all understand this one; it doesn't need explaining on the difficulties. So we will go with my issues right now. I really like this guy. I mean really like this guy. He's been my friend for the past four years and he's pretty awesome. He makes me laugh, makes me feel better when I'm down, and he's always interesting to talk to. Problem: He's staying in Albuquerque and I am moving to Portales in two weeks, meaning that we can't be together. It sucks because I feel like he's leading me on and that he likes me back but we can't do crap about it because I'm moving. It sucks. I have no idea what to do. I've only had two boyfriends in my life, and so I have limited experience in this field. If you have any ideas or any knowledge in this region that you want to share, go for it. I'm dying to know =]