Scared

I'm just scared about life, scared about everything. What if I can't do it? What if I don't succeed? What if I die trying? Would it be worth it or would I be regretting what I failed at? I don't know. And I hate that I'm bipolar, because I can't tell what emotions I feel are just emotions because of the chemicals in my body or if they're real emotions that I have real reason for feeling. I've been crazy hormonal lately and I have no idea why. I've been taking my medication, I've been trying to eat well and exercise, but the mood swings are horrible. I really need to find a psychiatrist so that I can get medication worked out but IT'S SO FUCKING HARD TO FIND ONE!!!! I hate this. Hate everything. I hate my life. I wish I could make everything disappear, or maybe just fade out of existence myself.