Fuck

It hit me today that I don't care about anything. Quite literally, anything. School, life, friends, family, me, anything. I don't care. If someone I knew was shot in front of me, I'd look at them and say, "Fuck." Then I'd walk away. If I was kidnapped, gang raped, and left bleeding and missing a limb on the side of the street, I'd just lay there and not give two shits. God damn it, what have I become? Really, I don't know who I am. I hate me, hate the life I'm living, hate what I'm doing. But I can't stop. I just keep going faster and faster and the worst part is that I don't even care. I hate it but I don't care. Odd. I don't have the will to make myself stop. I can't make myself stop. Maybe I do all this crazy shit because that's me crying for help. So when my friends tell me they gave up on me, too, and that they don't give a shit for me anymore, either, well, what do you think? Not what I need and yet this never ending apathy makes me not give a shit. And I hate that I don't care. And yet I don't even have the strength to do that. So fuck. You want the life of a young adult? This is the life of a 19 year old finally fucking up so bad that if she makes it out alive on the other side, be impressed.