My Life

I don't even know what to make of it anymore. I'm just not who I was. Maybe it's a good thing, maybe it's not. But I don't think I can ever go back to that person. For those who've hardly seen me since I came back to school, I doubt you'll really recognize who I've become. I'm not the person you saw leave over the summer. I'm fucked up now, done some crazy shit, and been places you probably never thought I'd go. My birthday yesterday was a bit of a reality check. Life isn't just one big party and sometimes you've got to step back and think, "What the fuck am I doing?" That's what I've hit right now. It was made ever more apparent by James coming to visit and me really realizing, "Fuck, I'm nothing like what he remembers and it's only been two months." I'm rapidly running in a direction that I don't know if I can turn from but part of me doesn't want to. I'm not really sure anymore. But this person I am now, I know I don't even know who it is. And I think that part of it is that I'm hiding from myself right now. James is still convinced that I'm a good person. I don't believe him. I really think it's time to do a bit of soul searching.