Suicide

Ever sat back and thought about it? Ever just think, "What if?" Maybe you know someone who's done it. Maybe you've been close yourself. Maybe you've tried. Maybe you know people who've tried. Maybe it's just something that happens to other people. Okay, so this is a random subject, I know. And maybe you're worried about me because of posts I've had or you know I'm hormonal. But don't worry. This post isn't really about that. Sort of.

Today I read this book my sister loaned me. It's called Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher. The basic gist of this book is that this girl, Hannah Baker, killed herself, but before she did it she made a series of tapes, directed at 13 people. One of the people is who you follow as he listens through the tapes. So here's a girl whom everyone thought was fine and dandy until she stopped showing up to school one day and it was rumored that she killed herself. So it really got me thinking.

I know that people take it very seriously, but when it looks them in the face they don't know what to do with it. In general people have a tendency to look at suicide as something serious but also as something of a joke. They can't understand why a person would feel so low about life that they feel that is the only way for them to get out of it. They look at is as one of the most selfish acts and blame the person who does it. Most of these people have never been suicidal themselves.

I have. When I was in my sophomore year of high school, I was highly suicidal, reason being I couldn't see any way that my life could get better. I lost all hope. And generally, that's what happens. People who are suicidal don't start out that way. But as shit keeps going wrong and as their attempts to get through it prove futile, they slowly lose hope. When they lose hope there's only one thing that seems like an answer and even that isn't there for a while because suicidal people would love more than anything not to do it. They want to believe that someone out there still cares enough to notice that that's what they are thinking of and to tell them that it isn't their only option. But so often that doesn't happen.

Now maybe you're wondering, "How can you make a generalization of all suicidal people off of what you alone experienced? You aren't everyone, and even you recognize that every person is different." Well, you are correct. So what led me to this conclusion? Alright, first lame reason is reading all of those suicide pamphlets and whatnot talking about suicide. Lame, I know. Also, books, like the one mentioned above. Okay, they're fiction, but I know they're based on truth, at least when they focus on the emotional side of it. And no, this isn't the first book I've read focusing on suicide. No, those contribute, but the real reason I know is because I've had multiple friends who have been suicidal and I have been the one to pull them out of it. I know their thought process.

So that leads me to another question. What do you do when you have a friend who is suicidal, and they're about to do something to themselves? Ever been there? I have. The easy answer is to go to them, be with them in person, and talk them out of it. But what about when you're only means of talking them out of doing it is through IM because you don't have a car, you can't drive, you can't call, and it's 12 am and you can't leave your house? Yeah, I've done that, too, and it sucks. But every person is different so the words it takes to show them that people, at least yourself, care are going to be different and only you as their friend will know what to say.

Maybe now you're asking, "Well how do I know if one of my friends is suicidal? How can I tell if they are thinking about it? How can I be there for them?" Good question. Every person is different, like I said. The emotional base is similar. And actions are also similar. From my personal experience, for that is really the best place I can look to, look at friends who slowly change. Maybe they used to be fun and outgoing and talk a lot. Now they slowly withdraw from social activity. They don't talk as much, they look less and less "there", they laugh less, and they just seem different. Maybe you noticed that something was up, and you asked if they were okay. The only answer they gave you is that they're "fine" or "tired" or "nothing".

Okay, from my own experience, yeah, I'd say that basically because I didn't want you to know that something was up. On the surface at least. But deep down, what I wanted more than anything was for someone to not just be superficially asking because that's what society deems correct behavior around someone like that. What I really wanted was for someone to look at me and say, "Krista, I know you aren't okay. What's really going on? Talk to me. I'm here for you." And even if I didn't say anything, it would have meant the world because someone noticed that I wasn't okay and actually wanted to be there for me. And hey, if you have someone who still won't talk to you after that, maybe it's because they're in shock that someone noticed. Or maybe they themselves didn't notice that something was really up. Or, like I probably would have done had anyone actually said that, they insist they're fine. If you're their friend, and you know they aren't fine, let it go for now, because maybe they just aren't ready to talk about whatever it is. The next day if they're the same way, just remind them that you are someone to talk to and that they care. It may not seem like much to you, but trust me, in times like that, it can change everything. Plus, the more they hear you say it, the more likely they are to believe it.

Anyway, I should probably stop this whole tirade on suicide. It's a big subject. But I guess something I really want to get out there is pay attention. Notice your friends. Notice the little things. Little comments on suicide may just seem like a joke and while they may play it off as such, it's really used as a judge to see how you react to it. Dramatic changes. I know, sounds silly, right? But no. Mine was wearing all black. All the time. With heavier and heavier makeup. In Thirteen Reasons Why, her dramatic change was cutting off all of her hair. Little things that are played off, don't let them. Mine was when I carved a heart into my hand. Yeah, lots of people asked about it when they realized that it wasn't drawn on, that I actually cut it into my hand. For those of you who weren't there, here was my response when they asked why: "Because I felt like it." The most typical reaction I got was people looking at me like I was crazy and pretending like they'd never asked and never noticed. So I wasn't a typical cutter, but that's because I didn't want to die. I wanted people to notice that something was wrong. No one did. Well, except my parents when they learned, thanks to my sister, that it wasn't drawn on. I was seeing a councilor within a week.

So I guess that's my last tidbit. If talking to them still doesn't work, get them help. Tell people, like parents, like councilors, that they need help. Here's something you can give them personally, of which I know it's saved lives. It's a phone number. You ready? It's 1-800-SUICIDE. You could also give them www.hopeline.com . Trust me, it's saved countless lives. And it could very well be what saves your friend's. But the most helpful advice I can give you from someone who's been there, just be there for them. And when you want to give up on them the most, that's more likely than not the time they need you the most. So if a friend acts differently and distances themselves, don't just let them go. Fight.