Things I wish I had the balls to say to people

1. I loved you. I really did. But you took that and destroyed it into hundreds of thousands of little pieces. And I don't think you understand the depth at which you destroyed me. I was a mess for two years and now you come back wanting to make it all better. I hate it. But I think I've moved on. I don't mind being your friend but I want nothing more because you've hurt me so bad that I can't not feel it. My body has gone numb to you and I don't feel anything for you. And I don't know if I ever will. So maybe we can be friends. But I can't pour my heart into you. And maybe you changed, and while I can see the compassion in your eyes you're still the exact same person you were when I left you. And I need more than that in my life. So thanks for teaching me how to get the fuck over you and move on with my life. But please, let me be happy with someone else.

2. I might love you. Maybe. But you know what sucks? You still love your ex. And let me tell you, I know exactly how that goes. And you know what else that means? It doesn't matter how much I care about you. It doesn't matter that I might possibly love you because in the end you won't feel shit about me because you still love her. I've fought tooth and nail for you for five months. You tell me you've done nothing with other people and yet I have friends who've said they've seen you with others. So who do I believe? I stand up for you, I fight for you, and yet you are still so in love with her that you can't see that. So why am I still fighting? Why am I still trying? We're just going to keep using each other for momentary pleasure and comfort while we lose ourselves in the depths of our minds. Neither one of us opens up to the other because we're scared shitless. But love takes work and if you didn't get hurt then it wasn't worth it. So I'm going to move on. I'm sorry. I tried. I tried to be there for you when no one else would. But you always kept me at a distance. So now I need to move on because I need someone to be there for me when I need them and you're not.

3. What the fuck happened to you? You were such a sweet guy? Honestly, I did care about you. Maybe I didn't love you. But I did care. And you threw that away! What the hell?! Why did you become like this? If it was because of me, I'm sorry. I know I have the tendency to destroy people. Especially the ones closest to me. But still. You had your friends and yet you turned your back on every single one of them and became someone you're not. If I could have told you six months ago about the person you are now, I think you would laugh and say that's ridiculous. But I can't say anything to you now because you won't listen to me or anyone else. What happened to you? It hurts seeing you like this. I just wish you could see. And maybe we could understand why. It just doesn't make sense. I told you everything and you left, too. Way too lie like everyone else. Thanks.

4. Seriously, I'm not angry that you wanted sex and that's the only reason you began talking to me. I'm not angry about that. I could really care less. Honestly, you have no idea how many guys have just come up to me and said, "Hey, I want to fuck you." It happens. What I'm angry about is that you made me believe you were different. You convinced me that you were there for me, that you were interested in me, that you saw me as a person that no one else saw me as this whole semester. You took me seriously, listened to my thoughts, my opinions, my ideas. You took time to understand me. You asked me about myself. You acted like you wanted to know me. It meant so much to me because no one's done that, just ask question after question about me not because they felt they had to but because they honestly wanted to. And then I found out that all of that was a lie. I honestly believe that it did change. I believe you when you say that it moved beyond sex. Even though we never did, I know you wanted to. But I know that wasn't your driving motive. It just bothers me that when you came to me under the pretext of wanting to know me unlike everyone else who just saw me as a stupid blond who can't think and is just another sorority girl, it hurt to find out that all you had wanted was sex. Just like everyone else. That's why I was angry. Because it felt like everything that had made the basis of our friendship was a lie. I felt like I couldn't trust you anymore. I felt like suddenly it didn't matter what I said, you didn't actually care. That's why I was angry. I felt betrayed and like I'd lost yet another close friend.

5. I'm just not interested. Stop asking me for sex. Stop asking me for alone time. You aren't the only one asking either. But I'm not just an object for you to use and manipulate. So leave me the fuck alone and let me get on with my life. Casually fucking isn't something I do. So find someone else.

6. Stop treating me like you're fucking superior to me!!! You aren't! The world does not revolve around you. You're an insecure child. Stop acting like you know everything and that I know nothing. I'm not just pretty, there's more to me than that. But you wouldn't actually know that unless you talked to me. But no, it's just you who does all the talking and talking down on me. Leave me the fuck alone. If you can't respect me I wish you could just let me be.

7. I like you, but only as a friend. I don't know what they told you about me, but I'm fucked up this semester. Sure, I may be awesome when my shit's together, but it's not right now. And I like you as a person, but I can't see anything more than friendship between us. So tell them to stop pushing you. I know you deserve a great person in your life, but I can also tell you that right now that person isn't me. I'm only going to hurt you more. So please, let me be.

8. I like you. I really do. And you know what? Maybe we can be more than friends. You're funny, you're smart, you make me laugh. You think, you're Greek, and you're close by. You care, you'd treat me well, and you have a fantastic choice in books. I think that things could really work out. Since I'm moving on from other people, I really want to pursue you. You seem super awesome and I want to see where this goes. No matter what anyone thinks.

9. I'm not perfect. Get over it. I know you don't know the semester I've had, but I've been doing damn good despite that. I know I wasn't perfect, but don't hold it against me. I won't bring her down with me, she's smarter than that. I know she has more of a future than I do. So focus on her. She loves you guys. But don't take it for granted because it won't always be there if you do.

10. Girl, I miss you like crazy. What the fuck? But you're always busy. Always. I want to spend time with you. We hardly ever see each other. But I miss you and you say you miss me too but yet you don't try to see me. I know your life is important to you. I can respect that. But sometimes I just need a friend who's been there through it all to give me a hug and let me cry because boys are stupid and break hearts. And everyone needs some girl time.

11. Stop bitching. Your life is fine. Stop harassing me. You don't take my advice anyway. So get the fuck over it, stop making all this drama for you, and grow up. If you really wanted my advice, you'd take it and then you wouldn't keep running into the same problems. Trust me, it's getting old.

12. You are awesome. I'm sorry I'm not there for you more. You really are amazing. I'm sorry I fail at being a good sister to you.

13. You guys fucking suck. I wish you hadn't gotten the offices you did. I'm sure there were better people for it. But it's too late now so I'll suck it up. I just thought you guys should know.

14. I know you guys care, but can you please back the fuck off. I'm making my own mistakes that I can use later to learn from. These are experiences I need, and it doesn't help to have you acting like my parent. Just be my friend and be there for me when it all blows up in my face just like you said it would.