Sunday, December 6, 2009

Relationships

I don't know what to do anymore. I care about him too much. I can't enjoy the company of other guys. I think I'm falling for him and I'm scared because I don't think he feels the same. It's only going to end in my heartbreak, but wouldn't that be better than me continually breaking other people's hearts? Brandy is right; every guy who gets to know me falls in love with me. But I can't be the healer of everyone's heart despite how much I want to. So now it's time to tell two guys that I can't care for them as more than friends because I'm falling for someone else. And it'll hurt, but hopefully they haven't cared long enough for it to be detrimental. My only question is can my heart handle being broken again by the guy I do care for, the one I'm slowly learning I can't seem to live without? I don't want to hurt, don't want to love, don't want to care, because it only leads to heartbreak. I lived two years in heartbreak and now that I'm beyond that I don't want to feel it again for a while. But I'm falling hard for a guy who doesn't want to get hurt either. How do I live? I want to be with him, to call him mine, to hold him close to me and never let go and yet I'm scared he will only push me away. I want to give him my heart and pray that he doesn't destroy it and yet I'm uncertain for whether or not he'll just give it back to me and say no. I'm scared I'm falling in love again.

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